Page 72 of Her Wicked Duke
“Ah,” Alexander said.
“Ah, indeed.” Anne giggled.
“And this is where I shall get up in front of these people who have gossiped about us behind their hands and tell them how grateful I am that they are celebrating our engagement?”
“Only if you do propose to me,” Anne pointed out, somewhat pouting.
Alexander was interrupted by Philippe returning to place tea and cakes in front of them. It was a vanilla cake with white frosting, infused with some fruity glaze. Anne made a noise of sheer delight as she sampled it.
Alexander watched her intensely. “I do not like grand celebrations,” he admitted. “If it weren’t for the need of witnesses, then I would marry you in private—just us and a vicar.”
“Not even with your grandmother present?”
“Especially not with my grandmother present,” he affirmed, his voice taking on that hard edge that told Anne that she was edging close once again to his past. “Things are a little tentativebetween us. We had an argument following your departure the other day.”
“What about?” Anne asked.
Alexander shoveled a bite into his mouth to avoid answering.
“It is okay if you don’t?—”
“No, I want to.” He nodded. “I’m simply unused to it. Just give me a moment.”
Anne nodded and ate silently while he gathered his thoughts. And then, he finally spoke.
“My father and mother loved each other very much,” he began. “My grandmother didn’t approve of my mother, but my father defied her and married her anyway. Perhaps they were doomed to fail from the start, but since his death, I have read his journals. He loved my mother fiercely, at the beginning. They bonded over many things—travel, art, languages. They were both wise and intelligent and passionately bright.
“It did not last, of course. When I was twelve, my father had an affair with a touring singer. She was in town for a week. I kept all the papers from that time to look back on, when I understood it better than I did back then.”
Anne forced herself to not interrupt with her usual questions. She had a curious mind, but she needed to let him pour his heart out to her without interrupting him.
“I loved my father. He was good and kind.” Alexander sighed deeply. “I did not believe in marriage because he loved my mother and yet he put her through the public humiliation of that scandal, which is why I was so angry about how your friends treated you. To outsiders, it is gossip. They do not see how lives are truly affected. My mother took her own life, unable to bear the shame of what my father had done, unable to bear the looks and the whispers, the doubt over her own worth to her husband. It destroyed her.”
He swallowed, glancing away. He took a sip of tea and clenched his fist. “After her death, my father became cruel to me. He called my mother weak-minded and crazy. He told me she could have shouldered the weight of his scandal and how a better wife would have comforted him through it. He did not consider it had been her heart that was broken.” He shook his head, and Anne could see that time had not truly healed his wounds.
“My father became cruel and had many mistresses. He was not forgiving while they were at the castle and often tormented me in front of them or would ridicule me or tease me mercilessly. His mistresses would laugh, and I would feel ashamed of myself. He’d say I was as weak as my mother and that when I acted good and like a man—like how he acted—then I would see the rewards. A life worthy of his heir. So, I taught myself to be stronger, to take command.”
Anne could finally see how her comment that day in the art gallery had affected him. How Alexander had been taught to not be soft and love but to be hard and seduce. And she could see how far he had come with her, the moments of tenderness and affection he had given her.
She reached out to place her soft hand over his.
“That is why I worried I was not good enough for you,” Alexander continued. “Because I was taught that love was to be ruined, and I couldn’t afford to do it. But, like you, Anne, I have lessons from my parents that I must unlearn. And if you’ll remain patient with me, I would like to unlearn them with you.”
His confession brought tears to her eyes, and she smiled at him across the table, stroking her thumb over his knuckles.
“Thank you for entrusting me with this, Alexander,” she said. “Wounds of the heart hurt deeper than anything, but if you’ll let me, I would like to stand by your side as they keep healing. I will always have patience and love for you.”
Alexander met her gaze earnestly. “Anne, if I have ever caused you discomfort with my ways of… pleasure, then please tell me. I enjoy rewarding and punishing with pleasure, but if it?—”
“I have enjoyed it,” she whispered, blushing. “I have enjoyed you.” She swallowed, then busied herself with another bite of cake. “And I would like to continue to enjoy you, Alexander, in all of your seductive entirety.”
He had been vulnerable with her, so she offered something back with one sentence. “I would like to be taught how to be yourgood girl.”
Alexander’s gaze darkened. He turned his hand, taking hers in his grasp, tightening his hold.
Good girls get to have their wishes fulfilled, he had once told her.
Well, she had many, many wishes, and expectations for their wedding night.
