Page 55 of His Forbidden Duchess
She turned and looked out of the window, embarrassed that she could be thinking of her own pleasure at a time like this. Felix had just sacrificed himself for her and her family and had married her to save them. How could she expect anything more?
“I see,” she managed to repeat. She shifted uncomfortably, her fingers twisting together in her lap. “So… you will be going to go back to your mistresses then?”
Felix’s eyes flickered, and she thought she’d struck a nerve. There was a flash of something within him, but his expression remained controlled, unreadable, as if he’d prepared himself for this question.
He has been thinking about this since the night with Carlisle.
Her stomach lurched sickeningly. He had been thinking about how he could sacrifice himself enough to marry her but not to bed her.
I am a complete and utter fool.
“It will be better this way,” he said calmly though he didn’t meet her eyes, instead searching the carriage floor as if the right words lay there. “Better for both of us. We are friends, Eloise. I do not want to ruin that.”
Eloise’s breath hitched.Friends?
She supposed he was right. Other than their sham of a marriage, they had never openly expressed any intent to be more than friends. Worse, he was her brother’s friend. She was there by default.
Again, she felt the hurt in her chest and swallowed hard as the sting of his rejection pierced her heart.
“That… that didn’t stop you from kissing me before,” she said quietly.
She hated how weak and pathetic she sounded.
Felix’s gaze snapped back to her, sharp and intent. His jaw clenched, and for a moment, she saw a glint in his eyes. She wished she could understand him.
“We were not married then,” he said, his voice rougher now, betraying the cool demeanor he was trying to maintain. “It was different.”
She almost barked with laughter at the irony. Under any other circumstances, in a normal world, now was the time they would be permitted to kiss, even encouraged to make love.
Eloise longed to hold him close again, to burrow her face into his neck and inhale his scent. She remembered how good it felt to have his arms around her, strong and immovable. Her mind flashed back to that night in the corridor when he had held her hands above her head and silenced her.
She wanted that again.
“Different?” Eloise echoed, fiddling with the hem on her glove. “How?”
She didn’t dare look at him, but the tension between them deepened. He seemed to snarl the next words at her.
“I cannot believe you need me to explain it to you, Eloise. You are now my wife.” he said, his voice soft but firm. “Marriage changes everything. It ruins relationships. You and I, we are better as we are—no more, no less.”
Eloise sat back, stung by his words. Her mind whirled with questions, but she remained silent, aware of how dangerously close to the edge of fury he had become.
His reasoning felt like a poor excuse, a way to keep her at a distance. She had been so certain that he wanted her, perhaps not in marriage, admittedly, but in body. She looked out the window, the passing countryside nothing more than a blur as her eyes filled with tears that she refused to allow to fall.
“I see,” she said a third time, her voice tight.
A suffocating silence settled over them once more. Eloise glanced at him, unsure if she should continue to question him.
“What do you think Jeremy will say once he returns?” Felix asked before she had the chance.
He leaned back into the seat and crossed his arms over his chest. He looked directly at her now, as if on safer ground.
Eloise shrugged, thankful for the shift in conversation though the discomfort lingered between them.
“I am sure he will be shocked, to say the least. But…” she paused, her lips curving into a small smile, “I suspect he will be incredibly grateful to you for your… sacrifice.”
There was that word again.Sacrifice. It stung every time it entered her mind.
“He knew we were in trouble,” she continued. “That is why he went away in the first place, but he had no idea just howmuchtrouble.”
