Page 93 of His Forbidden Duchess
I miss you,he thought, but the words felt too simple.You deserve more than thiswas his next thought, but he couldn’t bring himself to write anything.
He set the quill down with a tired sigh and rubbed his hands over his face in desperation.
With bitter frustration, he crumpled the parchment in his hand and threw it onto the embers, watching as it was slowly consumed by the tiny flames that rose to greet it.
He idly brushed against the smooth band of his wedding ring. He paused, looking down at it. It was a simple, elegant piece that he had chosen himself when their wedding was nothing but a way to repay her debts.
It had meant nothing at the time, but now it felt like a lifeline, a connection to her. He turned it slowly, the gold glinting in the dim light, and felt the familiar longing and the ache of loss.
A thought crossed his mind—if he could just remove it, if he could shed this symbol of their union, then perhaps he could move forward, perhaps he could quiet the feelings that kept him bound to her.
But as he slid his fingers to the edge of the ring, he hesitated. Taking it off felt like a betrayal, like letting go of the only part of her he had left.
He couldn’t bring himself to do it.
Even now, miles away, Eloise was a part of him, ingrained in his every thought, his every breath.
Silence settled around him once more.
As the fire flickered low, casting shadows across the room, Felix realized that his emptiness would remain, lingering in the empty room of his soul, until he found the courage to face her again.
He wondered if he would ever truly be able to let her go.
Chapter Thirty-Six
The following afternoon, Felix sat in the dimly lit study of his London townhouse staring blankly at the wall, a half-empty glass of brandy by his side.
He’d barely moved since he had left Percy at the hell last night, and now, the quiet stretched out endlessly, punctuated only by the occasional drop of rain against the window.
He had tried everything to distract himself, but nothing could erase the hollowness in his chest, the persistent ache of missing Eloise and the terrible certainty that he was wrong for her.
A firm knock interrupted his silence. Lady Brimsleigh marched into the room before he could respond, her head held high and her eyes sharp.
“Felix,” she began briskly, not bothering with pleasantries as she glanced around the dreary room. “I heard that you are here inLondon, wasting away in gaming hells instead of attending to your wife. I wish to know why.”
Felix looked away, his jaw tightening. His aunt had always been something of a matriarch, and he found himself unable to stand up to her scolding.
“I am giving her back her freedom,” he replied tersely though even he could hear the emptiness in his words.
Lady Brimsleigh narrowed her eyes. “What a ridiculous notion. Eloise does not need freedom from you; she needs her husband by her side. All you are doing is abandoning her and for no good reason as far as I can see.”
“I am sparing her,” he countered, his voice low. He still didn’t meet his aunt’s eyes. “She deserves a husband better that me, and we both know it.”
Lady Brimsleigh marched around to the front of his chair, snatched his brandy off the table, and glared at him. “I think you have had quite enough of this,” she said. “So, let me get this straight. Instead of facing the life you have begun to build together, you are wallowing here, hiding from her like a coward? I thought better of you, Felix.”
Felix’s frustration flared. “You do not understand. My father… He always put duty before love. Always. I am only continuing that pattern, whether I mean to or not. Eloise does not deserve that.Even Jeremy knows the truth.”
Lady Brimsleigh let out a huff, shaking her head in exasperation. “Yes, I have heard what the Marquess had to say about the situation, and he is as much a fool as you are. Love is not about what we deserve, Felix. Eloise clearly chose you, and you chose her. That kind of choice is rare, a gift, and you should be fighting for it, not running from it.”
Her words struck him harder than he had anticipated, cutting through his carefully constructed doubts.
He opened his mouth to respond but nothing came. Instead, he stared at her, a flicker of hope stirring beneath his guilt.
Lady Brimsleigh placed a hand on his shoulder and spoke with uncharacteristic softness. “Your father’s mistakes are not yours to bear. He chose to divorce your mother. And after she died, he never stopped grieving, and it is in love that he made his mistakes. Do not let his past rob you of your future happiness, Felix. You are your own man, and Eloise saw something in you worth cherishing. So cherish her in return.”
Felix had barely processed Lady Brimsleigh’s words when he heard raised voices in the entryway. He would have bemoaned the presence of yet more people, but he didn’t have the time.
The doors flew open, and Percy strode in looking both exasperated and amused with Jeremy trailing behind him.
