Page 25 of Hearts Etched in Glass
He laughs and looks at me from under his arm, then he shifts forward to sit up. Slowly, he takes off his black trench coat and chucks it onto the floor.
“Tilly. I don’t know. I have some shit to get off my chest. Something in your soul pulls at me. I long for someone to know what I am. Who I am. The truth.” His voice cracks as his face reddens, turning away in shame. I pull his face into my hands gently as his eyes fill with tears. “Tell me, Marcus. Please, what is bothering you, dear?”
He slowly shakes his head within my palms. “I can’t. It is my secret to bear.” His brown eyes are lit with pain and sorrow, as the shadow of the fireplace dances within his irises.
“Try me,” I reply.
His nostrils flare as he moves his hands to open the buttons of his shirt, each movement exposing his bare chest and the bruises that are slowly forming upon his tan skin.
I place my hand on my mouth to hold in a gasp. “Darling.” It is hard for pity not to seep from my soul but it looks like he was horribly assaulted.
“What happened? Who did this? Bobby will kill them. Hell, I’ll kill them!”
He slowly raises a hand. “Please don’t leave me when I confess my truth.” His voice shakes as I smell remnants of alcohol clinging to his breath.
“Never,” I say emphatically, moving off the bed to fetch some alcohol.
As I return to the room, he has slumped to the ground, sitting legs crossed and head hanging in his hands.
I place the glass on the wooden floor before him as I sit across, matching his position. He takes in a long breath then begins. “I have complicated relationships. For I need things in my life. I have urges. I also have been told something is wrong with me because my interests are not of the normalcy.” He peers up, spying me between his fingers. I nod at him to continue.
“Fuck it.” He exhales dramatically then takes a swig of the whiskey I placed before him. “I was with a man tonight. A dominant man, I’ve been with him before, but he abuses his position often. That is why I am bruised. I don’t know his face. I don’t know who he is. I seek degradation and pain for pleasure at times, but after having you and Bobby, I don’t want that life anymore. I am broken Tilly. I am fucked up. I like men and women. I like to be controlled, I like someone to order me. That is why I am a terrible Adder. I may take orders, but I am a pansy, compared to Bobby and the boys.” I abruptly lean onto my knees, looking him in his face. “Marcus Nowak, I will not sit here and allow you to berate yourself.”
His pupils dilate and his eyes widen with hunger at my statement.Oh.
Sitting back on my heels I explain, “Marcus, nothing is wrong with you. Some of us have certain needs, likes and dislikes that make us feel whole. Who is anyone to judge that?” Then I reach out to gently caress his cheek. He leans in as a solemn tear slowly slides down onto my palm.
“I feel so alone, Til. But I only feel better, when. When I..." His eyes shift nervously, "I feel wrong,” he says with a shaky voice. He is trying his best to keep his composure, but I wish he would just crumble. He needs this moment of vulnerability to open up and release. To be seen.
“You have us, Marcus, you are not alone. There is nothing wrong with you, Mar…” He stops my words by standing up and walking towards the fireplace. He grips the mantle and leans forward, resting his head on the wood.
“Tilly.” His voice holds so much pain and anguish, his grasp so strong on the mantle it begins to creak. The fire crackles, as shadows dance across the room. His breath hitches then he turns to face me, fists clenched at his sides.
“I love you Tilly and I love Bobby. But how may I exist when you have each other?” Then he raises a hand to stop me from speaking.
“I’ve loved Bobby ever since we were boys. He will never love me. He will think of me as a disturbed individual! What we have been doing is just fun. There is no meaning, no deeper level. Except for me.” With each word I feel his soul crying out for comfort. His truth that has been locked away for so long. I slowly stand, as Marcus continues, “I am an abomination like my mother had said. Abomination among this world. The word beaten into my body by my dom ever time I’ve met him. Hammered into my spirit-like the nails holding railroad tracks. I can never belong. I…” But Marcus’ words do not continue, for a voice comes from the doorway.
“You’ve kept this from me.” Bobby’s voice resounds with irritation. “You’ve hidden this fromme, for years,” he sneers, closing in on Marcus, his footsteps echoing from the wood panels. His hand shoots out grasping Marcus by the neck and pining him against the wall. “Bobby!” I shout and rush towards them.
“What else have you kept from me?” he shouts in Marcus’s face, as I shake Bobby’s back.
“Get off of him, Bobby!” I yell, pulling on his arm. Bobby leans towards Marcus, his face a few centimeters away.
“You’ve assumed I wouldn’t understand. Howdareyou.” Bobby grits his teeth and then draws the tip of his nose up Marcus’s cheek that does not bear the bruises. “I’ve known you my whole life and you’ve known me. Holding this secret. Watching me live, while you longed for me. Why would you do that?” Bobby asks, I can see his grip tighten around Marcus’s neck. “I don’t know what to say,” Marcus whispers. Bobby shifts his hold on Marcus and centers before him. “You belong with me, always have and always will. You will listen. You belong with us.” Bobby leans his forehead against Marcus’s. “Do you understand?” Then he wraps his hand away from Marcus’s neck and slides it up to his nape.
“You’ve been a naughty boy Marcus. Let me show you where you belong.” Then his lips crash onto Marcus’s, giving him a searing kiss.
My core tightens as my face grows heated with this scenario. I am not bothered, nor upset by this moment but have grown excited by the tension permeating throughout the room.
Bobby steps back from Marcus to look at me. “We make a vow. Our own vow to each other. We are our own family.”
My heart warms at his words as my gaze passes between them. Marcus’s lips are pursed as his eyes fill with admiration and hope. “Yes,” I say, then we both look at Marcus as he asks us, “Are you completely positive?”
Bobby reaches out, grabbing the back of my head and pulling me in close. “Are we positive, darling?” He tilts his head towards mine, eyes shining with compassion. “Let us be whole,” I whisper. Then Bobby pulls me forward towards Marcus, tilting our heads to kiss one another. We kiss with slight hesitation, but Bobby leans into us.
“We belong to each other.” Then something ignites between all of us. Our hands move with fervor.
Bobby looks at me, his eyes piercing through my soul. “It all makes sense now. I had thought of us three for some time, but now my mind is made up.” He grabs both of our faces and pulls us in close. His breath caressing my cheek. “You’ve got so much love to give, Tilly, and I want to protect you, but I can’t do it alone. I've felt like something was missing and this isit. Marcus, youare what was missing. We’re a band of misfits. We are our own family. We provide the love we need for each other, from this day forward.”
