Page 20 of Degrees of Innocence
As the team reconvenes I train them on the fundamentals of Lean principles to ensure they have an understanding of the waste and inefficiencies we will be looking to identify and reduce. The group is participative and engaged, laughing at some of my examples of waste and asking questions along the way. Chase seems to be enjoying the morning, laughing with Brian, his chief operating officer, on the other side of the table. He looks up as if he knows I’m looking at him. His eyes are hooded and controlled, and I look away quickly. I just need to get through the day without thinking about him.
By the end of the day, the team completes the emergency room department flows including hospitalizations and follow-up appointments, which will allow us to work on primary care and referral flows in the morning.
We start a quick exercise going around the room to gauge the team’s experience for the day before convening. Mark from Martel is clearly not happy. “I think it’s wasteful to have a design team here all day. We aren’t the ones taking care of the patients, and we’ve got two people sitting here all day when we could be getting work done stateside,” he says.
“Mark, I appreciate your thoughts. Should I document that not all team members feel the benefit in the process?” I ask.
“You canput it on the board however you want, but I’m not sure that’s what I said.”
“Mark, I want to capture your thoughts accurately, so please help put those feelings into words and I will list them for you.”
I can sense Chase’s anger and feel the vibration of my phone as I wait for Mark to respond.
I look down at the incoming message.
Message:Don’t waste your breath. We’ll hire a different company.
“Just leave it on the board, it doesn’t matter what it says to be quite honest with you,” Mark says, clearly frustrated. The day went so well except for the last few moments with Mark. I decide to chalk it up to his lack of understanding of the process and think about how to deal with him later. Chase is already gone when the team finally disperses. I don’t know what I expected, but feel disappointed he didn’t stay to talk to me. I pack up my computer and personal belongings and walk to the other side of the resort, trying to keep my emotions in check. I have managed to maintain composure all day, but now I need a nice long run. I change into running gear, spray on sunblock, throw my hair into a pony and head downstairs and out onto the beach. I finally meet someone that I am seriously attracted to, and it turns out I work for him. I have never allowed myself to get involved with anyone at work. I feel myself blush as I remember the messages from the night before and how I practically begged him to come to my suite. Why didn’t he tell me? He was texting me as one person and emailing me as another. I feel the start of tears of anger and sheer embarrassment. How could he play with my feelings like that? He knew how he was affecting me. I wipe the tears from my face and try to remember what he said to me yesterday. “Katarina, I want you to promise me that you will remember how you feel about me at this exact moment tomorrow, okay?”
I know, but that was yesterday, and you were an entirely different person.I try to relax and soon lose myself to the beat of the music and tranquility of the sea. My halfway song by Gotye comes on, and I turn back towards the resort just as a couple is getting lifted into the air to parasail.
CHAPTER SEVEN
I feel calmer as Iget into the shower and let the warm water from the dual showerheads massage my skin. After about ten minutes, I feel even more relaxed and wrap my hair in a towel to pull some of the moisture out of it while contemplating what to wear. The evening is warm, and I opt for a flowery sundress, lacy panties, and sandals. I’m conscious the dress does not allow for a bra. I brush my face with powder, add some lip gloss, and let my hair down. What a mess. I put some product in it to try and tame the wayward curls and begin straightening it for the evening.
I hear the knock as I finish and open the door to find Chase dressed in khakis and a sports shirt.
“Come in. I wasn’t sure if you were planning to stop by or not. I was just getting ready to go out for dinner,” I say.
His eyes deepen, and his jaw instantly sets in a way that shows his displeasure. “You thought I wouldn’t come after what I told you last night?” he asks.
“Chase, I don’t know what the hell to think! We’ve been together almost every moment for the last few days. Why didn’t you tell me who you are?”
“Katarina, I said I will explain this to you tonight.”
“I’m confused and feel mad and hurt right now. It changes everything for me,” I stammer.
“Katarina, let’s get something to eat and I will explain why. After that, you can decide if you are still mad at me. Is that fair?” he asks.
He guides me toward the elevator and into the waiting SUV, opening my door before getting into the vehicle on the driver’s side. The silence is uncomfortable, and I’m relieved the restaurant is not far away. The hostess escorts us to the back of the restaurant, through the patio and out to a veranda overlooking the sea. It’s completely secluded, and I wonder if Chase called ahead to ask for the private dining area. “I’ve never seen you this quiet,” he says after the waitress takes our wine order.
“I just don’t know what to say to you right now, Chase.”
“I can see that, Katarina, and I’ll try to explain.” The wine arrives and he thanks the waitress. “When I walked into the bar you were desperately working to save that man’s life with no regard for your safety. I don’t often see those traits in people. I was mesmerized. I tried to rationalize the attraction with experiencing something traumatic, but I could feel it with the slightest brush of your hand, Katarina. The truth is I wanted to get to know you better. You surprised the hell out of me when you told me your room number. It’s actually part of a block of suites leased for the retreat this week. You’re staying in the room directly below mine. There aren’t many people on the team this week, and it wasn’t hard to put things together. Katarina, I could feel how your body responded to mine, and it was clear that you did not recognize me. You can’t know what that means to me. I didn’t tell you, selfishly hoping I had found someone attracted to me and not my money. I most often see the greedy and manipulative side of people, doing things to further their careers, or improve their bottom line. The time we spent together was like nothing I’ve ever experienced, and I know you felt the attraction, too. It almost drove me mad, but I didn’t want to sleep with you until you knew the truth. Otherwise, there is nothing that would have kept me from you. I wanted to tell you last night, but I didn’t want to scare you away, and I was pretty sure that once you started the event, you wouldn’t leave. I’m sorry. I should have told you sooner,” he says.
I am unable to hold back the warm tears that are flowing down my face.“Chase, how can you think like that? I would never get involved with someone for their money. Ialmost begged you into my bed several times, and now I find out I work for you. Do you know how out of character that is for me? There’s a reason I have not dated for such a long time, and I vowedneverto get into a relationship with someone I work with… ever. Now, I find out not only will I be working with you, but I workforyou and probably for the next couple of years.”
He circles the table to put an arm around me. “Look at me… I’ve never felt an attraction like this to anyone, and I know you feel the same. I can feel it in how your body responds to mine. We were meant to be together, and this is only going to end one way, Katarina,” he says hoarsely. He wipes the tears from my face and bends to kiss me, capturing my lips and pushing them apart as his tongue explores deeper, engaging mine. He pauses and his steely green eyes hold mine captured. “Do you feel how attracted we are to each other?” he asks.
I can only nod as he wipes a few stray tears away from my eyes and pushes the hair out of my face.
“I don’t think I’m able to be in a relationship with a person who employs me,” I manage to whisper. He pulls me close, crushing me into his chest, and I can feel the beat of his heart pounding in my ears. He lifts my chin gently, “Katarina, look at me. I have absolutely no intention of giving you up.”
“You don’t understand how I feel, Chase. I just can’t,” I say, shaking my head.
I think my body is on autopilot as I manage to excuse myself from the table and wind my way out of the restaurant into the warm tropical breeze. I can see the tower from our resort in the distance. I take off my sandals and move slowly onto the beach, but then find myself in an all-out run trying to leave behind all the pain of the day. It feels good to find my pace and run as the tears continue to flow. As I follow the shore around the rocks, a firm hand grasps my shoulder almost causing me to lose my balance. I falter as I’m spun around to find Chase glaring at me, his eyes deep, dark and angry as he regards me.
“What the hell do you think you are doing?” he says, trying to catch his breath.
