Page 3 of Degrees of Acceptance
I look up to find him standing in the doorway observing me. He is impressive, tall at about six feet two, with a frame that is muscular and lean, his custom-made suit hangs on his body impeccably. I reluctantly drag my eyes from his body.
“The office suits you very well, Katarina,” he says. His mouth is set in an amused quirk, and I wonder what he’s thinking.
“I absolutely love that you designed it for me, Chase.”
“I’m glad it pleases you,” he says, his eyes capturing and holding mine. The magnetism between us is palpable.
He pulls his cell out of his pocket, appearing annoyed at the silent intrusion and answers it briskly. I pack up my belongings and grab my purse preparing to leave as he talks. After a few moments, I can sense his growing agitation.
“No, we are not changing our position. If they want the company and employment, they go by the same rules as everyone else. We’ve worked through similar challenges in other countries. Sid, I’m not compromising the workers hours and benefits. Hold steady, and let’s ride it out. They are not about to risk losing a high-tech company that will put thousands to work. The government knows it’s the only chance they have to provide an infrastructure for future innovations. Hold firm,” he says, before disconnecting.
“Where were we now… ” he asks, pulling me close and capturing my lips lightly with his own. “Katarina, I love the way you feel in my arms.” I glance around to see if anyone is nearby and immediately feel him stiffen. “Let’s go home, Baby,” he says, guiding me toward the elevators. Jay apparently knows where we are headed without any direction from Chase.
The short drive to the condo is unusually quiet, and I contemplate his mood. We are soon in the elevators of the most impressive sky-rise in Chicago on our way up to the penthouse condo that he calls the city apartment. I smile at his reference as we walk through the five bedroom luxury condo overlooking the skyline and Lake Michigan.
“How’s your shoulder, Baby?” he asks as I drop my purse and belongings on the bar stool chair.
“It feels a little tight, but otherwise, much better,” I say, feeling fortunate the gunshot did not damage anything but minor blood vessels.
“Would you like a glass of wine?” he asks, regarding me warily.
“Yes, please,” I say, curling into one of the large overstuffed couches. He’s clearly got something on his mind. “Why are you so quiet, Chase?” I ask as he pours each of us a glass of wine.
“I’m thinking about your issues with being involved with someone you work with. You seemed to like the office and proximity of it to mine, but I felt your hesitancy both this morning and afternoon with public displays of emotion. It’s apparent while you trust me physically, you don’t have that same confidence where your emotions are concerned,” he says, watching me intently.
“Chase, what do you mean by that exactly?” I ask, annoyed that he could tell and not sure how I want to approach this.
“You were clearly uncomfortable with me kissing you at work. Even when there was no one around, you weren’t comfortable.”
It’s the first day that I haven’t napped since undergoing surgery; I’m tired and ill-prepared for this depth of conversation. I immediately feel put on the defensive. “Chase, we have known each other for less than a few minutes of our life. In that time I have had to deal with you lying to me about who you are, then learn that you are not only someone I work for but that you are the owner of the company that employs me.”
He starts to interrupt, and I hold up my hand. “You are a multibillionaire and with that comes a ton of baggage. Just the security alone is overwhelming, but let’s not forget the fact that you were suspected of drug trafficking. You seriously don’t think I trust you after I learned all of that, and still moved in with you? Do you think I would let someone I don’t trust tie me up and do the things you do to me?” I demand, furious and unable to hold the tears back any longer.
He pushes the hair from my face and gently wipes a tear that has escaped. “You are obviously still upset I was not honest with you upfront, and I deserve that. But, it does not, in any way, negate or diminish what I said. If you trusted me, we wouldn’t be having this conversation right now.”
“I do trust you,” I say, leaning in to kiss him, wanting and needing to connect with him.
“Katarina, our physical and emotional relationship should stem from a deep level of trust with each other, and right now we need to work on developing that,” he states flatly.
I flinch, feeling his cold rejection of my offer. “Katarina, your mother’s experience left you with scars, and you’ve never had a partner that you could trust. Unfortunately, I started the relationship on false pretenses. I’ve explained my reasoning, but no less, it’s added to your fears.
Katarina, I’m not interested in having half a relationship. I want your unbridled trust. That’s the only relationship I’m interested in having, so we are going to have to work through your fears. Otherwise, your lack of trust will end up driving us apart, developing into jealousy, fear and any number of other manifestations,” he states.
I’m so out of my league.“What am I supposed to say, Chase? I wasn’t prepared to answer questions about us kissing in the hall. Don’t you think the employees need time to get to know me? All they know is what they’ve read in the gossip magazines.” Surely he must see how I feel.
“Baby, if you trusted me you wouldn’t worry about something like that. You’re scared of my public display of affection because you can’t imagine how I will react if employees gossip. I would never let them or anything hurt you,” he says solemnly.
It’s now or never….“I don’t doubt you, Chase... and I do trust you. I’m just not sure how to tell you what I’m dealing with right now. When I was in the hospital, my mom shared a lot of information that I’m still trying to absorb.”
His eyes raise and turn to concern as he sits beside me and takes my hand. “You can tell me anything, Katarina,” he says.
I need to confide in him. I’m just not sure what he will think about having a relationship with the daughter of a mafia hit man. My mouth feels dry as I begin to speak. “My entire life I thought my mom had an affair at work, and the break-up is what caused us to move around, for me to lose my friends and the reason she cried herself to sleep at night. When she came to the hospital, she told me that wasn’t the case. In fact, the guy I thought she was having an affair with actually helped her get a new job because she didn’t feel safe and needed to move again.” I know I am beginning to ramble, and my heart is beating fast.
“Katarina, slow down, Baby… breath,” he coaxes, pushing the hair out of my eyes and pulling me into his lap. “Tell me,” he urges.
“I never really knew that much about my father. My mom left him before she even knew she was pregnant, so he is out there somewhere and doesn’t even know I exist.” His hand is soothing…rubbing my back.
“I know I told you that there’s nothing to dredge up in my past, but it appears that may not be the case,” I say.
