Page 106 of A Fate of Ice and Lies
I edged up to lean on my left elbow. “Is he okay?” My voice was dry from lack of use.
She blinked.
“You know I care,”I told her. One quick look in my mind and she’d see the honesty in those words.
“He’s not human, Teddy,”she said with care and patience.“He’s fae. He is as much a beast as I am. We are ruled by our instincts. If you care for him, you must value him as he is and not try to squeeze him into this tiny human box,where he cannot fit.”
I sat up and brought my knees to my chest, where I twined my arms around them. Held myself together when so much wanted to spill out.
Brenton watched me, his eyes kind but careful, without the tiniest bit of humor. I wasn’t sure why I allowed him to stay when I knew I’d turn Everly and George away. But something was different about Brenton. It wasn’t just his easy manner; something inside him made me feel comfortable.
“I am human, though,” I said aloud so Brenton could hear at least my part of the conversation. “I’m not trying to contain him in some tiny human box or anything, but my human emotions are just as valid as his fae instincts. If we are to work, there must be some sort of compromise or understanding. I won’t change simply to meet his needs if he isn’t willing to do the same for me.”
“You are saying you still want him.”Not a question.
Yes, I wanted him. To be with him, talk to him, laugh with him. I wanted to touch him, kiss him, hold him. But I wanted it on equal terms, where my feelings, my sense of right and wrong, weren’t dampened by him.
And I wanted him to want me, not because of some manipulation of fate, but because he wanted me. Every part of me, without shutting me up or shutting me out.
“Last night, you sounded afraid when you said he couldn’t subdue his instincts, but now you’re saying he’s ruled by instinct.” I scrunched up my nose when a snowflake landed on it. “I don’t understand.”
He’d cried when he told me about that first night. Was it tears for what he’d done? For what he’d hidden from me? Or from fear of losing me again?
But he couldn’t really lose what he’d never had, and he couldn’t have had me with all the secrets that separated us.
A plume of white smoke breathed from her nose, and when she stayed silent, Brenton spoke up.
“Just as every living creature has, fae have base instincts. Those instincts are what guided him to tear through the veil to get to you when you were in danger. They’re the driving force to hunt and harvest food. Every night, he depletes what’s left of his magic so that your home stays warm. So that you have running water and don’t have to trouble yourself to find wood for your fireplace. So that your walk to the store isn’t difficult, but safe. Everything he does is for you. His mate. To make sure you are taken care of and protected. Those same instincts would allow him to lay down his life for you.” He stopped and looked at me in question.
When I nodded, it was Nalari who continued.“I suspect it was your instincts that drove you out of the store when Elias fell during the thunderbird attack. Did he tell you he died that day?”She didn’t pause to allow me to answer, not that I could’ve with the way my throat closed in on itself.
Died. He’d died, but he’d seemed fine after. Playful and affectionate.
He’d died, though, and hadn’t told me.
“My instincts guided me to send him more of my magic than I’ve ever shared with anyone. As his Guardian, it is my duty to protect him, but by law, we are not to share as much magic as I gave him, but Elias is more than my ward. Seeing him dead on the ground. . .”Another puff of smoke.“It wouldn’t have been enough to keep him alive if you hadn’t gone out there and demanded he not die. His instincts told him to breathe because his mate asked it of him. These are the instincts that guide him. He will fight and kill anything that poses a threat to you, and he’ll do it without remorse. He will remove anything that harms you in any way, including himself.”
They both stayed quiet long enough that I wasn’t sure if either would continue, but I wanted them to keep telling me about Elias.
“Every fae is born with that base and then our more primal instincts,” Brenton explained after a quick nod to Nalari, who I assumed was talking in his head too, despite her not being his Guardian.
“Yes, I am a dragon. I can speak to whomever I wish,”Nalari said to me.
Right.
“We are taught to subdue our primal instincts, but it’s not that easy to accomplish because it feels so natural when we slip into them. These instincts arise in desperate times of need—mainly when our lives are on the line. When Elias had his uncle enchant you so that you would reject and forget him, the pain he carried was immense. It would’ve broken most. But before he left you that night, he promised you he’d take care of you.” He paused, his eyes searching my face. “It gave him purpose. Something to live for. It tormented him to be so close to you when he believed he didn’t stand a chance with you.”
“Until you started showing signs that you also cared for him. You gave him hope.”Nalari’s snarl came out low but vicious.“You liked him back despite the bond being broken, and you gave him hope, only to splinter it and him in half.”
I placed a trembling hand on my throat and forced myself to my feet when Nalari stepped toward me.
“You keep asking if he is okay, and I cannot answer that,”she snarled again, this time baring her teeth at me.“His primal instincts have taken over because his very life is in danger. He will lose himself to the madness if he doesn’t rein it back in.”
I stood my ground and stared down the giant dragon who could swallow me whole if she wanted.
“What do you want from me, Nalari?” I asked, my shoulders squared and ready to take on her fire if she wished to fry me. “He made it so easy for me to fall for him, but he didn’t tell me everything.”
“And you’ve told him everything?”
