Page 129 of A Fate of Ice and Lies
With the trades Elias had set up with other regions, we didn’t just have meat and produce, but sweets. Strawberry shortcakes, brownies, and such a large variety of cookies that Victoria didn’t know where to start. It was the mouthwatering smell of freshly baked bread that made me drool.
For this one market day, our rations had been set higher so we could not only indulge but also enjoy Elias’s hard work. It felt like a peace offering after he had to cut our rations in half a little over a week ago.
With a piece of warm bread in my mouth, I left Javier and the girls to choose whatever desserts they wanted while I rummaged through the clothes that had been donated. Many were made with the same material as my blanket and the beanie I wore most days. Again, it was all Elias’s work while he was nowhere to be found.
Not that anyone in town wanted to see him. They didn’tmind benefitting from all his efforts while they’d managed to reach new lows on how they despised him and conspired against him. I still went to the secret meetings if only to ensure no one planned on acting on their hatred of him and his friends.
A part of me understood, though. Elias had shown us the more brutal side of fae, which had everyone on edge. It didn’t help that Everly had once gone to our secret meetings and heard things that weren’t meant for fae ears.
Thoughtful, I picked up a long-sleeved white-and-green shirt and tugged it to my chest. It had a similar pattern to the ones Brenton had dropped off for the girls, Javier, and me a few days ago. They had quickly become my favorite clothes, not only because of how warm they kept me but also because I could almost feel Elias, smell him, touch him through the fabric of the shirts.
All this missing him was making me ridiculous.
I knew from my nightly visits with Nalari that he was okay. That he was adjusting to living with my rejection. I was selfish in my desire to speak to him again as he was healing. I should let him move on, let him live without me hurting him again.
But then I’d be no better than what he’d initially done to me, this time shielding him from me for his protection.
That night in the woods, I’d told him I didn’t want him in my life, and he’d obliged. He still took care of me in his ways without ever crossing the line I’d set between us.
I was the one who had to go to him. I’d been working on it these past nine days, talking to Ryenne who’d allowed herself to fall in love with Nate without any fear. Talking to Brenton, who explained things about fae that helped me understandElias better. Talking to Mom, who never answered, but it still made me feel better.
And taking any moment I saw him to talk to him. It didn’t happen often, and too many times, I cut the conversation short because of how awkward I felt. Each time I did, his expression fell, making me angrier and more frustrated with myself.
The memory of how he’d taken care of me carried me and made me yearn for so much more. But I didn’t go to him until I was ready. Although neither of us could promise each other to never hurt the other, I wanted us to be an “us” again. We’d figure out the rest along the way.
On my phone, I sent Javier a message through Instagram that I was going to see Elias. I just hoped he was at his place and my long hike wasn’t pointless.
While the snow in our town and around our homes wasn’t deep, the trek to Elias’s wasn’t easy. Each step I took felt heavy. Each breath like a sharp dagger in my chest. I scanned the trees I passed, hoping I didn’t come across another lirio, not that I’d seen one since that day. Although the hike was hard, long, and a little terrifying, it helped me work through my nerves and come up with a speech on what I wanted to say—a speech I was sure to forget as soon as I saw him.
When I finally reached Elias’s house, I found him standing at the edge of his property. Hands in his pockets, he had his body pointed toward the woods where we’d escaped to be by ourselves. A solitary figure that maybe wished to remain alone.
In a nearby pasture, his livestock grazed along with nine large thunderbirds, who didn’t seem inclined to attack. I’d already heard from Nalari that she’d broken through a spellLeanora had placed on them, leaving at least those nine as their protectors. I was glad to hear it if for no other reason than Elias had these birds to guard him. Assuming of course, Leanora couldn’t turn them against him again. God, I hoped she couldn’t.
Elias’s posture tightened the closer I got, but he never turned to me. Never acknowledged that I was there.
I drew in a deep breath, and on a soft exhale, I reached for him. His shoulders went impossibly tight when I rested my hand on his right arm. His skin was warm against the snow that fell around us. Soft. So soft with sinewy muscles that twitched at my contact.
“Elias,” I whispered.
He turned his head to me slowly, his eyes filled with longing and pain, which I’d put there. When he looked away without saying anything, my chest ripped open.
“I’m sorry, Elias.” Unsure if he wanted my touch, I dropped my hand.
He flinched. I wasn’t sure what to do. Wasn’t sure what he wanted me to do.
I could do this, though. For him. I would say what I came to say, what I should’ve said weeks ago, and then leave, giving him the choice of what he wanted next.
“I know you never meant to hurt me. I know. . .” My voice broke.
His head fell forward while he loosened a breath.
I licked my lips. “I know you did what you felt you had to do. I know I would’ve died if you hadn’t shown up.”
The tension in his shoulders seemed to ease as his arms shook, but he stayed there with his back to me.
“Thank you for saving me.” I cleared my throat. “Thank you for looking out for me every day since you came here.”
He shook his bowed head. When I squeezed his arm this time, his hand latched on to mine.
