Page 130 of A Fate of Ice and Lies
“Thank you for telling me the truth when I asked you. I’m sorry I hurt you.” I paused. “Do you think. . .”
I shuddered in a breath. He turned to me slowly, his eyes violet and rimmed in red with the tears that glistened behind them.
“Do you think we could start over?” I asked.
His throat bobbed. “I’d like that. It’s just. . .” He paused, seeming to wrestle with his thoughts. When he pushed out his next breath, he said, “I can’t lose myself to my primal instincts again. I want to start over, but I need to know you won’t turn away the next time we disagree.” He held up a hand before I could say anything. “I know this wasn’t a regular disagreement. You had every right to be angry with me and turn away from me. You still do. I was wrong in not giving you the chance to make your own decisions and instead erased your memory. I’m sorry for that, Teddy. I’m sorry for a lot of things.” With his palm, he rubbed the center of his chest.
The way his eyes dulled with each spoken word seared a slash across my heart. Uncertain how he’d respond, I wrapped my arms around his neck, hands shaking. He stilled, and the knot in my stomach loosened for the first time in a month when he hugged me back.
“I’m sorry,” I breathed into his neck.
He ran his hand from the top of my head to my lower back. “I’m the one who’s sorry.” His hold on me was tight as if he were afraid to let me go. “Thank you for forgiving me.”
Had I forgiven him? I wasn’t sure. What I did know was that I’d missed his presence, his touches,him,and I knew my life—and hopefully his—would be better together.
“I understand you’re fae.” I swallowed. “And you have your way of doing things, but I need you to understand that as a human, there are things that are simply right and wrong to me. There’s no blurring of lines. I know you care about me. I know you want to protect me, but you will not shield me from things because of it. You will not take my will away and force anything on me. I make my own decisions, and I’m deciding to trust you again.”
“I won’t take your trust for granted or betray you again.” He squeezed me tighter, nestling his face against my throat, where his warm breath heated my skin. “I will do my best to honor what you deem right and wrong, but, Teddy, if anyone hurts those I care about. . . When that male hurt you, I wanted to tear through him.”
His whole body trembled as snow fell on us in thick clumps.
“You didn’t, though,” I whispered. “You waited for my direction.”
“I don’t know that I’ll always have that kind of control. Can you understand that?” The meaning behind his apprehension hit me.
I ran my fingers through his hair, wanting to soothe him. Inch by inch, his taut muscles relaxed.
“Just make sure you know exactly what’s going on before you do anything about it.”
He shuddered out a breath. “What I did to Javier’s father haunts me every day. There’s no ridding myself of it or the guilt. No matter what I do, I know I can never make up for it.”
His quiet admission had me holding him tighter and kissing his tear-stained cheeks.
I stepped back so I could look at him. So he could look at me.
“You are a good male, Elias.”
He dipped his head down, as if he were casting away my declaration. I held his face, forcing him to look at me. Unrelenting tears fell down his cheeks in quiet succession.
“You give so much of yourself to everyone,” I continued, running my thumb across his cheek. “You give and you give to everyone and not only to those you care about. Your love is selfless.”
His eyes flared, searching my face as if he wanted my words to be true.
“Whether I deserve it, I’ve been on the receiving end of your love, and I have felt what it’s like to be loved by you. Your love is selfless,” I repeated, sniffling at my own words.
Because he loved me. Whether it was the bond or him, he loved me. He’d shown me time and time again, how he loved me.
“You love without restraint. You love with a depth that has no end.” My breath hitched. “I can’t imagine what it must’ve been like for you to feel my pain and my fear, not knowing what it was or if you’d get to me in time. You would’ve destroyed yourself to get to me. I know it. I can feel the truth of that in here.” I took his palm and pressed it to my chest.
Even after I dropped my hand, he kept his pressed against my chest, where my heart beat wild and scared. He loved me and I. . .
“Nalari and Brenton explained to me that your instincts will drive you to protect me at all costs without any remorse.”
Although it wasn’t a question, he nodded, his throat bobbing as he continued to watch me in silent contemplation. My stomach tightened, and I let out a quiet breath.
“You came to me when I needed you, knowing you’d bepunished for it. You must’ve known whatever punishment you received would be dreadful.”
“You were dying.” It came out tired and sad and defeated.
