Page 183 of A Fate of Ice and Lies
Eyes vacant, my mother nodded. “That’s fine.” Her voice sounded distant, too far away for me to reach.
Giving me a small smile, Teddy backed away and left.
I took my mother’s hand in mine and brushed her hair back. She blinked in reply. That was it. All she could muster. Desperate to reach her, I lay down beside her.
“Mother?” I asked.
She turned to face me. “I don’t know how to live without him.”
I understood what she meant. I didn’t know how to livethis life in his absence either. The enormity of losing him—this male who was greater than life. Inside the grief that ripped at my heart was fear. So much fear and dread. He’d been the foundation I’d built my life on. Everything I was, he and my mother had helped me become. Without him, I feared everything would all crumble to nothing.
But because of him, because of my parents and uncle, everything had already crumbled. Their selfish, barbaric actions from so long ago had impacted all of us. Killed too many in a battle that should never have happened. My father was dead, leaving me unable to rage at him for what he’d caused. And my mother was too broken to handle much of anything.
A part of me felt lost, like I’d never known my father. Where I’d once wanted to be like him, I no longer knew the kind of prince—no, the kind of king—my people needed from me. I didn’t know how to take up his mantle, which was built on lies and deception.
With a sigh, my mother closed her eyes. “I’ll try, though. But right now, I need to rest.”
I kissed her forehead. “Rest, Mama,” I said, calling her by the name I hadn’t used since my youth.
Ryenne stepped into the room with Grandma Richter behind her. With a book in her hand, Grandma Richter sat on a recliner near the bed.
“Go, do what you need to do,” Grandma Richter told me. “I’ll watch over your mom.”
“If she needs anything?—”
“I’ll get ahold of you,” Grandma Richter said.
I kissed my mother on the top of her head again, and when I stood, I fussed over the blankets to make sure she was warm and safe.
I blew out a heavy breath and let Teddy lead me out of the room. We passed Javier and the girls who were busy playing with Hee-haw in the living room. Javier gave me a sad smile that I found too difficult to return. Once outside, Ryenne gave both Teddy and me quick hugs before she went down the steps of her front porch. When I went to follow, Teddy stopped me with a hand to my chest.
“We need to?—”
“No,” she said. “We need to stop. Take a breath.”
I shook my head. I couldn’t stop. Every time I did, all I saw was my uncle killing my father. My mother stabbing herself. All I felt was the weight of my dagger slicing into my uncle.
“Teddy,” I pleaded.
She cupped my cheek, wiping away tears I hadn’t meant to shed. Her arms wound around my neck. I stood rigid for half a beat before I melted into her embrace. I dug my head against her neck, and the sob that tore through me made my body shudder. Her fingers combed through my hair while her other hand held me close.
“I don’t know what to do,” I told her in a whisper.
“For now, all you need to do is breathe,” she said just as low. “One breath and then the other. And cry,mo elma.Cry with every piece of your broken heart. I promise I’ll be here. I won’t leave you to go through this on your own.”
So I did. I cried in her arms. Broken in ways I didn’t know I could break. I both grieved and hated my father for leaving me...for starting this war in the first place.
Despite the cold temperature,the strenuous work had me removing the short-sleeved shirt I wore. With my wadded-up shirt, I wiped the sweat from my forehead before I tucked it into the waist of my pants. For hours, we’d carried away those too injured to walk themselves. The humans were carted to one section where Dr. Daniels and his assistants tended to those they could help while the fae were taken to another area, where the few fae with healing magic waited to help with the more serious problems.
Alastor, who’d earlier helped George heal the many breaks in his body I hadn’t been aware of, worked at healing the fae relentlessly, with what seemed like an endless supply of magic. Seeing him and the others gifted in healing made me feel better about not helping with that task. But I needed the hard labor that kept me moving, unable to stop and think about everything.
Already, I’d cried in Teddy’s arms. Although I was exhausted afterward, I knew I hadn’t yet drained myself of all the tears that built and built and threatened to burst. So I worked at wearing myself out physically.
I marveled at Teddy and how she’d known how to harness her magic without any training. How she’d been able to pull Leanora’s magic without the mage noticing. While fate had said I would be the realm’s salvation, it had all been Teddy. If not for my mate and her magic, Leanora wouldn’t have weakened enough for me to kill her with a dagger. Although Teddy had moved to grab her gun, I couldn’t let her deliver that killing blow, knowing that although justified, killing her would hurt Teddy.
And it’d been Teddy who’d kept me leveled between who I was and the primal instincts I’d sunken into. If not for her, I wasn’t sure I could’ve returned.
Once the injured were taken care of, we started to carry the dead—the humans in one section and the fae through the tear in the veil. Before we’d started, I’d asked Teddy to see if she could find a group that was willing to put together food for everyone. She and Ryenne left shortly after that and hadn’t returned. While I wanted her close, I was glad she wasn’t here to help with the dead. To carry the burden of their listless bodies and unseeing eyes. To hear the mournful cries of those left behind.
