Page 4 of Defy
"Hey yourself. Here, I already got yours," she says sliding a plastic container with a salad across the table.
"Thanks. The next one is on me," I tell her before taking my first bite. "How's Alba and the baby?"
I smile again, "Perfect. Val is beautiful, and Gabe is a mess. I swear that boy is his father made over. He's so serious about everything," I laugh.
After a few minutes of catching up, Emerson is quiet for a moment. I've come to know her well, and I can tell by the look on her face something is bothering her. "Alright, talk to me Em," I encourage.
She lets out an exhausted breath. "I really shouldn't talk about this, but I had a pregnant woman in labor come into the ER yesterday. Immediately, I could tell she was on something. She delivered a baby girl early at thirty-four weeks."
Reaching across the table, I squeeze her hand. "Oh no. Is the baby okay? Did she make it?" I choke out. She is a strong woman to cope with the things she deals with on a daily basis.
"She did make it. She's upstairs in the NICU. I can deal with a lot of tragedy, Bella, but babies," she trails off shaking her head. "When I did my NICU rotation, it was by far the most challenging time in my life." Meeting my eyes, Emerson visibly swallows. "You want to know what the worst part is? Her mother abandoned her. After she was born, she didn't even ask about her. She didn't care if she was dead or alive. Not even twenty-four hours after she gave birth she up and left."
My hand covers my mouth in shock, and I feel anger bubble up in me. Here I am, a woman who would give anything to have such a precious gift yet struggles to conceive and then you have a woman that can blatantly leave her baby behind.
Using her napkin to dry her tears, Emerson apologizes. "I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't mean to unload all that on you. Sometimes certain cases get to me."
"Don't apologize for something like that. You know I'm here for you anytime you need to talk. Don't keep your emotions bottled up inside."Like I've been doing.Emerson knows nothing about my miscarriage. Aside from my confession to my sister, I haven't told anyone.
"Thank you, Bella." After a moment of silence, she speaks up again. "I've been going to check on the baby every chance I get. The NICU is low on volunteers right now, so I try to visit all the babies when I can."
"What kind of volunteers?" I ask.
"It's something we call Cuddle Buddies." Emerson goes on to explain. "Parents who have a baby in the NICU can't always be by their baby's side. Moms are discharged and have to go home and leave their child behind. It's difficult not getting to take your baby home. So not only is the volunteer giving comfort to the baby but the parents as well. When a mom or dad is at home or work, they have the comfort of knowing their son or daughter is getting the attention they deserve. A volunteer must hold the baby, rock them to sleep, feed them. A lot of the time the baby will cry simply because he or she needs someone to hold them, and it's hard for a nurse to give too much-undivided attention to one baby when she has several to tend to. Then you have babies like the one I was just telling you about. She's going through withdrawal from whatever her mother was on. She is having a hard time."
By the time Emerson is through explaining the program to me, my heart is breaking. And it's also telling me I need to help. I can't explain it, but there is a voice inside me telling me this is something I need to do. "I want to help," I say without hesitation.
Giving me a big smile, Emerson nods. "That's wonderful, Bella."
"What do I have to do? When can I start?" I ask.
"I can walk you upstairs now if you'd like. There is paperwork to be filled out, and of course, an interview and they will require a health exam. We can't take any chances on the babies getting sick. Their immune systems are weak. Are you okay with all this?"
We walk side by side out of the cafeteria, "Yes. I'll do whatever is necessary. I want to help."
Having Emerson vouch for me sped up the process, so a few hours later I've filled out all necessary paperwork, been interviewed and had a check-up. I was informed everything looked good and that I could come in tomorrow for my first shift. I told the hospital evening shifts were good for me. I can come over every day after I'm done working at the garage.
Walking out of the hospital, I make my way across the parking lot towards my car. A sense of peace washes over me. It's time to take all the energy I've been wasting on stressing over mine and Logan's struggles and put it towards something positive. Sliding into my car and letting the top down, I close my eyes a moment feeling the warm breeze on my face and smile. It's time to go home to my husband.
The sun is beginning to set as I pull into mine and Logan's driveway. I don't see Logan's bike, so I know he's not home from work yet. Walking into the house, I head upstairs with determination. When I walk into the master bathroom my eyes fall to the counter where it's littered with ovulation tests, pregnancy tests, and an abundance of vitamins. Reaching down, I pick up the small trash bin and begin chucking everything into it. No more damn tests. No more damn vitamins. Just, no more.
"Angel, what are you doing?" Logan's deep voice asks from the doorway, startling me.
"I'm exhausted, Logan," I say giving him a quick glance before continuing the task at hand. "I love you, Logan and I want us to have a baby more than anything, but I'm tired. I'm sick and tired of all this shit," I declare. "I'm tired of the planned sex. I'm tired of the disappointment after yet another negative pregnancy test. I'm sick of what our lives have become." Stopping what I'm doing, I set the trash bin down and look up at my husband. His expression not one of anger or sadness. No, he looks relieved. That very look is all I need to see to know I'm making the right decision. "I miss us," I admit.
Covering the distance between us, Logan stands toe to toe with me and brings both hands up to cup my face. "I miss us too, Angel."
A split second later my breath hitches when I see heat flair in Logan's eyes and his mouth crashes down on mine. Fisting my hands in his hair, I bite down on Logan's bottom lip causing him to growl. The next several seconds are a dazed frenzy. We begin tearing at each other's clothes. Once I pull his shirt over his head, Logan grabs ahold of mine ripping it open. I faintly hear buttons hitting the floor the same time I make work of unbuckling his belt, before reaching inside his jeans freeing his already hard cock. The sight has me licking my lips wanting a taste.
Reading my thoughts, Logan says, "You can have my cock in your mouth later, babe. Right now I need to be inside you."
Once he rids me of my shorts, Logan swipes his hand across the bathroom counter causing everything to crash to the floor. Picking me up by my ass, he sets me down on the edge where he pulls my panties to the side and buries his cock inside of me with one thrust causing me to scream out his name.
"So fuckin' wet," he rasps pulling all the way out leaving only the head of his cock inside me, making me whimper in protest.
"Look down, Angel. I want you to watch as I fuck you," he demands. And I'm all too eager to listen. I immediately look down at us and watch as Logan's thick cock slides in and out of me.
"That's it, watch your husband fuck your tight pussy."
Logan's dirty mouth fuels my impending orgasm and I feel myself begin to clamp down on his cock.
"Not yet. You don't come until I tell you to," Logan orders. "Please, I need to come," I beg.
"Not yet, Bella," he growls while digging his fingers into my hips, slamming into me so hard my head thumps into the mirror behind me.
"Logan," I start chanting. Bringing his hand between us he uses his thumb to rub over my swollen clit, and I can no longer hold back.
"Fuck, Angel," he grinds through clenched teeth right before he buries his face in my neck. I throw my head back and scream out my orgasm the same time Logan plants himself deep inside me and roars his release.
This… this is what we have been missing.
