Page 21 of Rejected By My Shadow Alpha
But Ruby was gone. I'd made sure of that. I'd rejected her, left her, even faked my own death just to keep her safe from my blood feud. I had no right to hold on to anything about her. And yet, I hadn't stopped.
There were countless nights when I closed my eyes and saw her fiery red hair and her deep green eyes staring at me, beckoning to me. Her name still carved itself into the silence between my thoughts.
So why did this stranger's words reach me?
We started messaging more often. Treatment plans became side conversations about things like how some wolves react to lavender with aggression instead of calm. Then came stories, dreams, and fragments of pain shared in late hours. She never asked too much, and she never crossed the line, but she made me feel seen, and that was dangerous.
I never told her about Ruby. I couldn't. I still couldn't say her name without tasting ash. I hadn't earned the right to speak about it, not after what I did. Each year reminded me of what I'd thrown away in my crusade for revenge, and the grief only grew heavier.
Then one night, she said something that shattered me.
"I had a bond mate once, but he marked and rejected me. Some nights, I still feel the mate bond, even though he's gone. Isn't that crazy?"
I stared at the message for a long time, my hands numb and my breath caught in my throat. She had been rejected, too, abandoned by someone meant to protect her.
Just like I had done to Ruby.
"Did you ever want to reconcile?" I typed, my heart racing and aching all at once.
She didn't reply until hours later. Maybe she'd cried. Maybe she wasn't comfortable sharing how she felt..
"No. He died, and that squashed any possibility of reconciliation. So, I made peace. I survived, and now, I have something better than love. I have a purpose."
I read that last line over and over, until the words blurred. Better than love.
She survived.
And me? I was still clawing through the ruins of everything I destroyed.
Part of me wanted to close that chat, never return, and pretend I wasn't drawn to her. I wanted to pretend I wasn't betraying what little was left of Ruby in my heart.
She didn't say how and didn't say what the rejection cost her, but something about the way she worded it, like she had carved her own way out of hell, made my chest ache. I wanted to say I was sorry and that I understood because the bond still haunted me, too. How could I say I had a mate, too, but rejected her? I was afraid my admission might make her hate me. I didn't ask Moonleaf for more. I couldn't. It felt like betrayal to want to know.
I just sat there in the dark with my fingers trembling over the screen, feeling like I was mourning a woman I'd never met and grieving one I'd lost years ago. Suddenly, I couldn't stop thinking about Ruby and her voice the night we held each other. I thought about the way her hand clutched mine when I marked her and the agony in her eyes when I severed the bond.
"I'm sorry." I typed in reply, "That kind of pain changes everything. I'm glad you are strong enough to survive it."
I had convinced myself it was mercy, but hearing Moonleaf's quiet sorrow reminded me what rejection really meant. It wasn't protection. It was abandonment. Had Ruby cried the way Moonleaf spoke, soft and steady, like someone used to pain?
Moonleaf's words felt like home, like someone whispering my name through the fog of grief. It was the strange pull I nowfelt, like a voice on a screen that comforted and challenged me, that reminded me I was still human and still hurting.
And maybe…still worthy of connection.
Whoever she was, Moonleaf was more than just a medic in the network. She was the one voice that made the ghost in me pause. Somehow, that terrified me more than any war I'd ever fought or the incoming war my pack was planning against Alpha Alfred. Still, I waited for Moonleaf's next message like a man waiting for air.
I sealed the young wolf's ribcage and wrapped his leg.
"Will it heal?" he asked, his voice shaking.
"Yes," I said, pulling him to his feet. "But your wolf is weak, and you will need a lot of rest to recover fully."
He gave me a shaky nod. "Thanks."
I watched him limp into the trees. Another life saved. Another day spent not hunting Alfred. My comm device buzzed.
Jay.
Only one reason he'd page me during a mission.
