Page 10 of João
“What you do for a living?”
“I own a sex-positive kink club and run a kink community—mostly of Black people, but it’s diverse at its core.”
Her quiet ‘oh’ reached my ear, prickling and raising the hairs of my arms. Her warm hand still lay on mine and it twitched, then relaxed in my hold. I ran my thumb over her skin, enjoying that she hadn’t tried to move it since we sat down.
“So you own a club. Is it like… I mean, how’d you come about that work?”
Just as I was about to answer, a sound to my left warned me the waiter was next to us.
“What up, Brad? What you have for us?” I said instead.
“Oh wow, you have keen ears!” Brad chuckled, then placed the first course in front of us and the wine pairing. “You can eat with your fork, which I placed right next to your plate, or with your hands. Bon appétit.”
At this point, we had removed our blindfolds, and the room was pitch black. From my research, I knew that some of the servers were legally blind, and some utilized night vision goggles to navigate the space.
“The food is at the perfect temperature for you,” Brad said, then with a double tap to our table, he departed.
“You ready?” I asked her, feeling around my plate.
“As I can be,” she chuckled.
Reluctantly, I let go of her hand and searched around until cold steel touched my fingers. My fingers traveled along the cutlery’s edge until I realized it was a spoon.
“Oh, this is lovely,” Gisele exclaimed, a deep purr emanating from her throat. I almost ordered her to make the sound again. Touching around my plate with the spoon, a clank of porcelain told me whatever we were eating was on another container.
“Search with your hand; it’s in one of those Asian spoons,” she advised, and I found the spoon in question. Gently guiding it to my lips, delicate dough burst in my mouth and an explosion of savory broth coated my tongue.
“You’re right; this is exquisite,” I agreed, searching for the next porcelain spoon.
“So…you were telling me about your club,” Gisele prompted me, curiosity coloring her words.
“I studied psychology and delved into studies of human sexuality. In my search for understanding, I discovered some things about myself as well. It was hard, though, to find the right resources and the right people to explore my kink. Many of the clubs and information online were geared toward homogeneous communities, and I wasn’t with all of that. I finally found some similarly-minded people, and when I had the opportunity, I opened the club. I wanted it to be the safe space I couldn’t find back then.”
“Oh, that…it makes sense, I-I guess. Aren’t you worried about what I might think? About what other people think? Not everyone is open-minded about sexuality and…and kink.”
“Are you open-minded about it? Or does your religion stop you from accepting anything beyond vanilla sex?” I asked bluntly. I understood her hesitation. Many people in the Black community had it, to the extent that many of our members kept their kink and their membership private. I didn’t judge; everyone had to navigate life to the best of their ability, and already we had odds against our favor. No need to exacerbate that, but I’d had the privilege of always living openly and comfortable about my truth. At least this truth.
“I… I know a little about it, I’m sure not as much as you do. I read…a lot. It’s not strange to me, but I’ve not met many people who’re open about their lifestyle. I don’t condemn anyone as long as they’re doing it consensually. Many Christians miss that lesson; it’s not our job to judge, it’s our job to be stewards of His Word. Jesus welcomed the downtrodden and taught us to love each other as neighbors. So, who am I to judge? There are some kinks I might not understand, but it’s not for me to understand it all, is it? I know religion can seem repressive, but I believe it can change. Our rector…well, the rector in that church is very open about our responsibility of opening the doors to all sinners. Usually, it’s the congregations…steeped in old-fashioned thinking that don’t always allow for progress.”
“It seems that you have thought about this a lot?” I nudged, fascinated by this woman, who was clearly reserved and demure, speaking openly about her religion and beliefs.
“I used to, with my father…a lot. My mom is very traditional. To be honest, I’m a bit traditional myself, but my father liked to push me to think differently, to investigate everything, to remember that men wrote the Bible, flawed men…that was until he left us and the church,” she murmured, a tinge of sadness filtering through her calm tones.
“So you believe that men wrote the Bible?” I asked.
“I-I do, but…I also believe in divine inspiration,” she said firmly.
I liked Gisele’s voice; it was measured, with all this power behind it, leashed to be used only when necessary, only when she sang and praised her God in the sky. I wondered how she could use that voice in other ways…
“It is very commendable that your faith is unwavering, even when you see the challenges the modern church is tackling. I’m not gonna lie; I don’t have a lot of faith in the institution. But to each their own. Would that be a problem, beleza?” I needed toknow. I wanted to explore how far we could go. I was intrigued by her, so attracted to her calm sadness bolstered by optimism that peeked through in her words.
“I…I’ve always seen myself marrying a God-fearing man. This is my first time dating outside of my church community.”
Before I could ask more, Brad again tapped the table twice; not that I needed the warning, but Gisele might. He cleared our plates and swiftly brought us the second course.
Crisp, bright flavors, acidity, and sweetness all greeted my palate. A salad with fruit and a tangy vinaigrette constituted our second course. Again Gisele made her purring noises, enjoying the food too damn much, so much that by the time we were done with this course, I was shifting in my seat. A heavy pressure built on the back of my spine and between my legs. Getting aroused like this…it felt like the actions of my sixteen-year-old self and not the almost forty-year-old I was. This woman had an interesting effect on me.
“So, if you’ve never dated outside of your church, it makes me wonder again why you decided to date me?”
