Page 54 of João
GISELE
Peace. I’ve felt peace in many places. In my home, with my father, just both of us riding around the city, chatting about anything and everything. At my church, before my relationship with my fiancé broke down. With Vincent as we have our luncheons.
And now João.
João translated to peace. Whenever I enjoyed his presence with zero expectations of what tomorrow would bring, I felt tranquility.
Sitting on the floor in his living room with his foot in my hand and his fingers running through my hair, peace filled me. I had one of his whiskey bottles and a tumbler with ice next to me and handed him his glass for a sip. Jazz music reverberated through the space, the dim lighting and amber candles on the coffee table creating the type of early evening I hoped we could replicate over and over in the future.
A sense of serenity settled around me with the same certainty I’d started to feel in the past few days. João and I could work our differences out. I still didn’t know how to approach thingsto make it clear my mind had changed, but there was no rush. Right now, peace filled my heart. No need to disturb that.
“I’m gonna be at the club tonight. I’m considering playing with some of my old subs. I…I know we negotiated that we both could have sex outside of our arrangement and I’ve decided to explore that.” João’s fingers never stopped caressing my strands as he presented his reasoning.
“Oh, okay.” There wasn’t much to say. Regardless of how much our dynamic had transformed over the weeks, we still kept that boundary intact. This past weekend’s wax play had been intense and we’d continued our sexting and closeness, but we never crossed his boundary. No renegotiation. No changes.
Two unmovable walls, yearning for closeness.
“I’ve been…restless. And I want to abide by our agreement, so I’ll be at the club tonight playing.”
The peace I’d settled into cracked at the edges, showing me the illusion of the sensation. There was no certainty between us, and without certainty, the calm I felt with him was elusive.
“I get it.” Because I did, I felt restless just like him. The urge to trail my wetness over his face and invite him to feast was driving me wild.
“Are you okay? I don’t mean to hurt your feelings, I just cannot…”
“My feelings are not hurt, but soon, you and I need a renegotiation conversation.” Such calm. I wasn’t certain how I said that with such poise, but a pat on the back had been earned.
The hypnotic fingers trailing through my hair stopped, making my insides shaky.
“Yeah, you right, it’s time to renegotiate…but I need a few days.” João said each word with a lot of care, and the pause between them settled my insides.
It may be naive of me to believe he felt the same way I did. That he’d be willing to remove some of the walls we’d bothplaced to protect each other. Being wrong had felt costly until I started imagining how life would be post-João.
The somersaults my stomach performed at the thoughts and my loss of appetite were enough to tell me that wasn’t what I wanted.
“Okay then, I hope you enjoy the club. I’ll probably go to bed early. Old habits die hard.”
“Right. You probably were in church on Sundays at the crack of dawn, huh?”
His magical fingers resumed their path and my muscles dissolved under his care. The smokey sweetness of the whiskey we shared hit me the moment I took a sip. I lifted the glass to him and he bent to take his own sip. So much intensity in his gaze. Those eyes touched from the tips of my nipples to the center of my heart. The candlelight made them dark whiskey, just like the droplet that hung off his plush lip. Suddenly, that serenity from earlier morphed into a tension all too familiar by now.
My chest rose and fell, air a little difficult to access with João crowding me, his face so close to mine I just needed to reach up to taste him. This ache in my chest and between my legs had become unbearable. Would his lips taste like the deep amber whiskeys he loved? Or would it be all smoke, danger, and lust?
“Gisele…” He drew my name with his mouth, mesmerizing me. There was no music, no candlelight; there was just his lips, and the fire in his intent gaze, and my rioting heart.
His tongue snaked out, tasting the tip of his bottom lip, drawing me in. Air stopped being useful for my lungs; only a kiss from him would do. My lips tingled, yearning to be touched.
“Yes, Master?” Maybe sinking my teeth in my lip would keep me from saying more, from asking, pleading for more.
“Fuck, don’t. Don’t look at me like that. I’ve been going wild this week, boa menina. I sniff my clothes before putting them onjust to catch a whiff of your scent. I keep my phone on ring even though I hate it making noise because I cannot miss a second after you send me one of your sexy pictures. I rush home in the afternoon just to watch you flitting around the house, cleaning up and cooking, not because I love you doing it but because I know you love doing it. Half of the time I’m staring at walls, daydreaming of your eyes, your lips, the cute way you frown when you think I’m wrong, the movement of your hips as you dance to silent music, the sound of your voice when you sing while showering, thanking the Lord.”
I thought we had been close, but the brush of his lips against mine, the taste of his air mingling with mine… It was not enough, I wanted it all.
“And if I really want to torment myself, I go ahead and remember that glistening, gorgeous pussy of yours. She’s the star of my dreams at the moment. I wake up bricked up in the middle of the night, already stroking my weeping dick before my brain catches onto what’s happening. When I say I am restless, I am fucking restless. But I also know this fucking ache. I need to learn to keep it in control before I touch you, I don’t— I don’t want to lose myself and…”
The words assaulted my senses, my heart, my pussy. Air whistled in my ears as I jumped up, stepping a few feet away from him.
“We can negotiate in a few days. You gotta make your mind up, João. You may be restless and I get it, but I’m as hungry as you are. It’s time for both of us to do the work, to look within. I can’t do that for you and you for sure can’t do it for me. So figure it out…because I dream of you every night too. My sheets are soaked with my need for you.”
