Page 17 of B.D.E
Looks like I got to try harder, but I wasn’t giving up that good pussy, shit I’d just gotten it, and I was already hooked and didn’t mind getting a little toxic for it.
CHAPTER 10
Ghost
The cold bitthrough my skin like a blade, even in mid-spring. Gideon always made me run before the sun came up. He always said you should “earn your day.” I was soaked with sweat as I made it to the porch, damn near out of breath. There Gideon stood, with his black fur coat wrapped around him like the king that he was. Funny how he never got out of here and ran, just criticized and talked shit to me while I did.
“What the hell was that? You call that a finish?” His raspy voice cut through the dark.
“I said sprint the last hundred, not jog like you got time to waste, young buck.”
I didn’t answer, just nodded and headed back inside to the weight room to start benching. He stood behind be in silence, watching my form. I hated being observed all the time. Like he was waiting for me to fuck up so he could talk shit. And most of the time he stayed quiet, only speaking up when I was doing something the wrong way, and something was always wrong in his eyes.
“Lock your wrist, young buck. Your bleeding force.”
I adjusted and immediately felt the difference. I hated that he was right, again. After I was finished, I racked the bar as he stepped in front of me. His hands were tucked behind his back, military style.
“You’ve got the strength. Now build the mind to match it. I didn’t take you in just for you to half-ass your way through life. No, I took you in cause’ I saw potential.”
“Yes sir,” was all I mustered up to say. I knew better than to say anything other than that.
He nodded once, with a small hint of approval that was barely visible.
“Dinner is at seven. Make sure to dress decent and not in those damn gym shorts. You’ll be joining us tonight.”
That caught me off guard cause’ usually, I ate in my room. Not that I had to but because it was easier to avoid small talk. I didn’t have to pretend to not notice Marcus bragging about school or sports or whatever the hell he was doing that week that made him seem normal. After Gideon took me in, he hired a private teacher to home school me and make sure I still got my education, despite the circumstances.
“Marcus already left out for the tournament?” I asked with a bitter taste of jealousy on my tongue.
Gideon paused for a second, taking in my question. He knew what I was really asking.
“You’re not Marcus.”
I clenched my jaw. “Didn’t say I was, I just asked a question.”
“You think I don’t see you? All the jealousy and envy is burning through your eyes when you see Marcus. He gets to live life how he lives because I don’t need two soldiers, I need one. You,” he admitted.
I looked away as that burning feeling crashed into my chest. I hated that it was there. Hated that I even cared.
“You took me in when you didn’t have to. Why?”
“No,” he agreed. I didn’t have to, but I did. Because I saw value in you, so don’t waste it comparing yourself to someone who was never built for the for the kind of life you’re going to lead.” He turned to walk away, then stopped at the door.
“Remember what I told you?” he asked.
“Emotions get you killed. Discipline keeps you breathing,” I quoted the words he spoke to me every day. So much that I memorized them front and backwards.
He nodded. “You’ll thank me one day,” he added. “If you live long enough.”
Then just like that, he was gone. I just sat there with the towel around my neck, staring at the rack, trying not to think about how Marcus was probably laughing somewhere with his friends, jersey still damp from the game sweat or hugged up kissing his girlfriend, while I fought to remember what laughter even sounded like. Gideon wanted to dehumanize me and make me in his image. He was sadly mistaken because in the end, I would be better than his image.
I woke up with sweat gliding down my face and a fire burning in my chest. Gideon’s voice was still echoing in my skull.
“Build the mind to match it.”
I didn’t know why the hell I kept dreaming about him, but it seemed like every time I closed my eyes, he was there. Drilling his rules into me like I was still the kid he molded into a cold and lethal killer. Like his fucked-up way of raising me was justified because he gave me a bed and a name. I kept feeling a tight pull in my gut that I couldn’t shake. A voice tell me that this was his doing. He was the one trying to knock me off. The man who built me from nothing was the same muthafucka trying to erase me. Shit was crazy but I knew deep down, there was some truth in it.
I slowly opened my eyes, realizing that the room was dark. I’d been hiding out in Spec’s apartment for almost two weeks,in and out of sleep while my body continued to heal up. There was just enough moonlight slipping through the blinds for me to see Specs curled up on the futon in the corner with the blanket pulled up to her chin. Her mouth was slightly open and her glasses her folded on the crate beside her. She looked peaceful as fuck. Too peaceful for the world I came from.
