Page 38 of B.D.E
There was no point in trying to argue with her about it because she wasn’t taking no for an answer, even if she had to drag me out of here kicking and screaming to the car… she would. After locking the house up and seeing no signs of Ghost returning right now. We slid in her car and made the ride into town in silence. My thoughts were so loud in my head, going over how I could’ve missed the signs. I hadn’t had my period but it was always abnormal when I was going through stuff, so it wasn’t a major red flag. With the lifestyle that Ghost lived, would he even want this? Would I want this with him… a paid killer? My thoughts were running wild, and I wasn’t even sure if I was pregnant or not.
“Get out your head, Ivy. Whether you are or aren’t, everything will be fine, and you have to believe that. Your bestie is here, bitch so, cheer up, she said, pulling up to the small-town pharmacy. “Sit tight, I’ll run in here and get and then we’ll be back before Ghost knows anything.”
I slumped low in the seat while she ran into the pharmacy. She’d only been gone for five minutes when she came back out and tossed a brown bag in my lap. I pulled back from it like it had a disease or something. I leaned my head on the window, deep in thought as we took the short drive back.
I stood in the bathroom, staring at myself in the mirror. My mind was in overdrive, I felt like I couldn’t breathe and my hands wouldn’t stop shaking. How could I have been so senseless, knowing the situation at hand? Either way it was now or never. I opened the bag to find five tests, as if one wasn’t enough. Leave it up to Tori to be so extra.
“Yes, you needed that many, just in case the first malfunctions.” She said from the other side of the door like she’d read my mind.
I sat on the toilet, pissed on stick after stick, then lined them all up on the counter. After pulling my clothes back up, I flushed and washed my wands. Tori opened the bathroom door just as I dried them, waving her phone in my face.
“Alright, I’m setting a timer for five minutes. We’ll know if your screwed by then,” she said with a giggle, leaning against the doorframe.
“Tori, this ain’t funny. My life is literally falling apart right now, and you got jokes,” I muttered, fighting the lump in my throat.
She caught the look on my face and immediately softened. She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around me. I leaned my head on her shoulder, trying to hold myself together.
“Okay, okay. Your right,” she whispered. “I’m sorry, Ivy. This is serious and I’m here with you till’ the wheels fall off. You know that.”
We stood there in silence, holding each other like we used to back in college when either of us were going through shit. The moment stretched until the time on her phone buzzed.
“Bitch… I see exactly where all that fucking got you.”
I swallowed hard and dropped onto the toilet lid. “I’m pregnant.”
Tori just stood there, staring at me for a minute, then walked over and sat on the edge of the tub.
“Well… shit.”
We sat in silence as the weight of it started to settle. I was really pregnant by a man that I barely knew. I mean, sure I knew his name, what he did for a living and small things like that, but I didn’t really know him. Like what his favorite color was or his favorite food, whether he wanted marriage, or if he even saw himself wanting kids in the future. We’d been careless, reckless and running wild on impulse. It had felt good, but suddenly I felt stupid and childish.
“So, what now? You gonna’ tell him?”
I shrugged. “I want to. Honestly, I don’t even know what this means for us... or where his head is at most days.”
“Well, the only thing you can do is tell me, Ivy. If he on bullshit, then fuck him. You gone have this baby regardless and if I got to step up and be the Pappy, I will. What we not fixing to do is stress bout a nigga when your clearly with child now.”
I sat there, taking in everything she’d said. Ghost didn’t seem like the type to run away from shit but who was I to know that? From what he’s told me, he didn’t come from a good background or family, so a baby was probably the last thing on his mind. Going back home and dealing with this myself was starting to make more sense to me, but I didn’t want to rob him of a chance to be a father, if it was something he wanted.
“I don’t know. Maybe, I’ll digest it all and wait a few days before I decide to drop the bomb on him,” I muttered.
“That’s fair,” she said. “I got a confession of my own, too. So, I met somebody…”
I turned to her. “Oh, really? And who might that be?”
“You know the guy I was telling you about that I was going on a date with. You should know that something was up since I didn’t text you to rescue me.”
“True.”
“Anyways… his name is Marcus. The date was dope as fuck and we vibed and laughed through the night.” She paused. “Of course, I got a little too much liquor in me, so we ended up back at his place and, Ivy… I fucked that man to the flo’. Girl that man dick felt so good, I wanted to cry, btu it was just too much.”
“Too much…dick?” I asked, confused.
“Bitch no. The dick was superb. The feel was just too much. It all seemed too good to be true. I mean… yes, it was just one date and one fuck, but I never felt anything close to what I was feeling with him, with any other nigga. So... yeah, I ghosted him.”
“Tori. What’s wrong with liking the man? If you’re feeling him, then why ghost him? Every nigga ain’t the same and from what I hear you preach all the time, the sea is contaminated, so, why not go for it?”
She laughed. “Girl, you don’t forget shit I say. But real shit… I been through too much with a lot of ain’t shit ass niggas, Ivy so, I guess I’m just a little scared to actually invest my time just to find out later that he’s a momma’s boy or a two-time felon with three kids and three baby mommas. He has been blowing my shit up since that night, but I’ve been ignoring him. At least I know he’s interested right?”
