Page 46 of B.D.E
Gideon’s body became weaker by the moment until he finally inhaled and exhaled, taking his last breath.
“Rest in piss, bitch.”
One tear slipped from my eye as I walked out. Shit hurt more than I ever expected to see the man that raised me take hisfinally breath, but it had to be done, and it had to be me. I guess it was always destined to end this way.
Specs was asleep when I got back. Her curls were spread across the pillow; face soft and peaceful in a way I hadn’t seen in days. I missed the way her skin felt in my hands. The was she smelled, tasted… how she moaned and cried out my name when I was deep inside her. She’d been here, waiting patiently for me to come back to her, but I knew it wouldn’t happen. Gideon was right. I was a monster and even though I was falling for her, I didn’t know if I could change. Would her love ever be strong enough to make me want to give up the only life I’ve ever known? Truth is, I didn’t even know who I was outside of this shit, and I knew she didn’t deserve to sit around, hoping I’d figure it out. I sat down at the small desk in the corner, grabbed a pen and wrote her a letter.
Specs, I’m setting you free.
Go home.
Live your life.
Forget about me…
I left it on the pillow beside her, brushed her hair back one last time, and walked out before the sun came up.
CHAPTER 24
Ivy
It had beentwo weeks since I found that damn letter on the pillow. Two weeks since I cried harder than I ever had in my life. I packed my things that same morning and went back home. I thought of staying, waiting for him to finally show his face and explain the letter. I didn’t have it in me to sit in that house surrounded by pieces of him. His scent still clung to the sheets. His toothbrush was still in the cup. A small part of me even hoped that it was a mistake, though I knew in my heart he meant every word he’d written in that letter, I just couldn’t take it.
Here I was, back at the café I once ran so confidently, now barely able to make it through a full shift without getting lightheaded. Tori had been helping every day. She refused to let me shut down. Refused to let me spiral too far. But even she didn’t know how deep I was sinking. She wiped down the last table and slid into the chair across from me behind the counter, plopping two lemonades on the surface and passing one my way.
“You look like shit,” she said casually, sipping hers.
“Thanks. I feel worse.”
She studied me for a minute. I avoided her eyes, focused on the condensation dripping down my cup.
“You can’t keep doing this,” she said finally. “You’re here, but you’re not here. You’re pregnant and barely keeping your head up. You don’t eat unless I remind you. You don’t sleep. What’s the plan, Ivy? You gonna stay like this till the baby pops out?”
I shrugged, even though I had no answer. “I’m trying.”
“Try harder. Ghost ain’t the first man to walk away, and if he’s as dangerous as you made him sound, it might be a blessing in disguise.”
I swallowed hard, my chest tightening all over again. “You weren’t there,” I murmured. “You didn’t see how he looked at me… like I was more than just a body. He didn’t just fuck me. He cared.”
Tori leaned back and folded her arms. “Then why the hell did he leave?”
I flinched at her question.
She sighed, her tone softening. “I’m not trying to hurt you. I’m just saying… maybe he thought walking away was the best thing for you.”
“I still haven’t told him about the baby,” I admitted, glancing away. “Part of me wanted to. I’ve thought about it every damn day, especially now that I can barely get through a morning without puking or crying or both. But I kept thinking… what if he doesn’t want this? What if he tells me to get rid of it? What if I’m just some girl he slept with, and he never really saw a future with me at all?”
Tori frowned. “Ivy…”
“I don’t even know what we were,” I said. “I mean, were we together? Was I, his girl? His fuck buddy? I don’t know what people call it these days. We never even talked about it. He just… made me feel something real, and now he’s gone like it never happened.”
Tori reached across the counter and grabbed my hand. “You can’t keep holding all this in. Let it out, cry, scream, punch awall, I don’t care. But don’t sit here dying on the inside trying to keep it together. You’re too strong for that shit, baby.”
Tears welled up again, but I held them in.
Tori’s phone buzzed, and she glanced down. A smile crept across her face as she typed back quickly.
“What?” I asked.
