Page 14 of The Engagement
“Erin, honey, I’m here.” I speak in a low, even voice, hoping to break through her nightmare without startling her even more. “It’s okay, baby. You’re safe.”
The flailing gets so bad I have to restrain her before she hurts herself. “Erin! Wake up, honey. Please.”
Her eyes flash wide open, and she rolls to her back. She’s looking right at me, but I’m not sure what she sees. “Erin, it’s me. You’re safe.”
I watch the myriad of emotions flitting across her face—fear, confusion, recognition, relief, and lastly pain and sorrow.
She turns to me, and I hold her close as she sobs against my chest.
“I’m so sorry,” I murmur against her temple. “It’s my fault. I should have realized.”
Honestly, I’m not sure she can even hear me over the sound of her crying. And then I’m crying, too, because the sound of her pain guts me. Especially when I know I caused it.
Chapter 6 – Erin
The next morning, I wake before Mack, feeling like I’ve been hit by a truck. My body aches all over, and my mind is fried. The nightmare I had last night was the first one in a long time, and I know what caused it. I was triggered by that movie we watched—or at least we watched part of it. As soon as he realized what was happening in the movie, Mack changed the channel.
I should have known better than to watch a movie like that, but I was trying to pick something I knew Mack would like. He’s always such a good sport about watching romcoms and historical romances.
Lizzie walks over my body, stepping on my full bladder in the process. She stops to make biscuits on my belly, and she’s purring so loudly I’m afraid she’ll wake Mack. Carefully, I slip out of bed and head to the bathroom, Lizzie following close on my heels.
After taking care of business, I brush my teeth and wash my face. My cheeks itch from dried tears. I look like crap, pale—I mean, paler than usual—with shadows beneath my eyes. And the worst thing is, I know Mack is going to beat himself up over what happened last night. He always blames himself when I have a nightmare. He shouldn’t. None of this was his fault. It just happened.
I slip on my robe and head barefoot to the kitchen to start the coffeemaker. I’m definitely going to need some caffeine to kickstart my brain this morning. I sit at the kitchen table while the water heats, scrolling through Instagram on my phone, looking mostly at videos of cats and homesteads with chickens and baby goats. I wish we lived on a farm. The videos make it seem so peaceful.
Once the coffee’s ready, I pour a cup and go out onto our screened-in balcony to sip and watch the sun rise over the lake. I’m usually not up this early, so it’s a rare sight to see.
My furbaby hops up onto my lap and makes herself comfortable. I run my fingers through her coat of soft fuzzy fur and let her purring soothe me. She’s a calico, mostly white with splotches of orange and gray.
I focus on the view of the lake. On the two sailboats that are out on the water this early. There’s a small white speedboat skimming across the water’s surface far off in the distance. I can barely make out the Ferris wheel at Navy Pier.
It’s all simply a distraction from my own thoughts.
When I glance down at my engagement ring, my stomach knots. Why would he want to marry me—someone who’s so damaged? Someone who freaks out over a stupid movie? Why would he willingly saddle himself with me? Is it because he feels responsible for what happened? Does he feel obligated to stay with me?
He could start over with some other girl—someone who doesn’t carry so much baggage.
I jump at the sound of a gravelly voice behind me. “I woke up and you were gone.” His voice is rough in the morning, almost a growl, and I find it incredibly sexy.
I tip my head back. “Good morning.”
Mack’s bleary-eyed, too. I think he slept about as well as I did last night, meaning not well at all.
He steps out onto the balcony and runs his hand over my hair. “How do you feel?” He takes a seat on the other lounger.
I paste a bright smile on my face as I set Lizzie down and rise to my feet. “Good. I’ll get you some coffee.”
He snags my hand. “Erin, wait.” He tugs me down onto his lap. “I don’t need you to wait on me, honey. I need you to talk to me.”
“There’s nothing to talk about. I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine. You cried yourself to sleep last night. I—”
“Well, I’m fine now. Last night was last night. Today’s a new day.” I laugh nervously. “I don’t know why you put up with me,” I say flippantly, hoping to distract him.
He cups my cheek in one hand. “Put up with you?” He frowns, clearly not liking what I just said. “Erin, you’re a gift I don’t deserve.”
“I’m a disaster.” I try to get up, but he holds me on his lap.
