Page 120 of Faeling
He would ask her what troubled her. He would try to comfort her.
Either might break her then; she couldn’t bear the thought of his gentleness. Not with the phantom of her mother’s voice echoing in her ear.
As she silently slid her arms through the sleeves of her dressing gown, she slowly lowered his arm back to the bed. After a moment to confirm he wouldn’t wake, Ravenna tip-toed from the chamber and down the hall.
There was the den, the baths, but she sought refuge in none of their rooms. Instead, as quietly as she could, she slipped from their quarters entirely, the silent eyes of the night guardsmen following her.
The flagstones were cold beneath her bare feet, but Ravenna hardly cared. Her heart raced, urging her faster. She shivered at the cold night air against her clammy skin, her dampened hair sticking to her back and wing bundles.
By the time she found her way out to the curtain wall, she was almost sure she’d be sick.
Gulping fresh air, Ravenna clung to a stone crenellation, the night breeze biting through her dressing gown. Autumn wascoming, a telling chill caught in the breeze, but Ravenna couldn’t bear to go back inside. Not to her sleeping mate, who loved her, who bent a kingdom to his will for her.
Fates, how could she not love him for it? Everything he’d done, everything he was…
Ravenna loved her mate, so deeply it hurt. And that was terrifying.
She wasn’t supposed to love him—not when it made everything far more painful. How could she love him, be his mate, be his queen—when it meant giving up her vengeance? The vision of her mother haunted her, the distorted face a ghoulish reminder of her vow.
Playing at being his queen and mate, she’d let herself stray from what she’d vowed to do. Her parents’ sacrifice wouldn’t be in vain—Amaranthe had to fall.
But that, too, was terrifying. How could she seek her revenge—when it meant giving him up, or worse, endangering him? She couldn’t. To forsake him, their bond, now would be akin to ripping out her own heart.
Vallek would never allow her to march into the faelands to confront Amaranthe alone. He would forbid her from going—or march beside her. Ravenna couldn’t stomach the thought of something happening to him now. His people needed him. She needed him to live.
Under the cold moon, there was no hope, no way forward. How could she walk two paths?
Her mind too full, she wrapped her arms around herself and wandered further out along the rampart.
Maman, maman,her heart cried.You abandoned me first.
Vallek wasn’t sure what awoke him in the middle of the night, only that he lay alone in their bed. His senses roused to alertness within a single blink, and he reached across the bed to feel how her place had almost gone cold.
“Ravenna?” he called softly.
Nothing.
Throwing back the blankets, Vallek went from room to room, calling her name but finding her nowhere. Not even down in the baths.
Unease gathered in the pit of his stomach, and he quickly threw on a loose pair of linen breeches.
Opening the door to his quarters revealed one of the two guardsmen missing. The remaining one bowed her head.
“Where is she?” Vallek asked.
“If you will follow me…”
The guard led him down the stairwell and past several turns before pointing him on to another night watch. One after another, they pointed his way, leading him swiftly out to the ramparts of the curtain wall.
The night wind bit at his exposed chest as he stepped out into the night. Another guard nodded silently before pointing further along the wall. There, her hair streaking behind her like a banner, stood his mate.
His heart ached to see how little she looked against the thick crenellations of the rampart. His beast paced uneasily inside him, sensing something was wrong. She’d never left their bed before.
His unease only grew as he made his way to her. She’d been troubled of late. Assailed by visions that she wouldn’t explain, the manacles especially had upset her. Although she did her best to hide her worries, Vallek wasn’t blind to the dark circles growing beneath her eyes.
He’d thought perhaps it was from all the new burdens placed upon her narrow shoulders. There was far more to being queen than glittering gowns, and she’d met it all bravely, yet he couldn’t fault anyone for buckling under the strain. He well remembered his first days upon the throne, how he’d spent sleepless nights crushed by the weight of his decisions.
Guilt tugged at his throat. He’d asked so much of her in so little time. In just a few days, with just a few words, he’d changed her reality. Vallek regretted none of it, he would have her beside him, but as he approached her there on the curtain wall, he couldn’t help his worry that she’d been pushed too far.
