Page 149 of Faeling
Dragging Leita along with her, Ravenna approached the wall they made.
“Let them have me,” she said, “trade me for him.”
“We have to wait for terms,” Asta said unhappily.
“Fuck that! Give me a boat and let me—”
“STOP IT!” Rounding on her, Asta loomed above Ravenna—and the unfortunate Leita—her tusks bared in anger. “Just stop it! The plan went to shit. Everything went to shit.”
“I know!” Ravenna yelled back. “It was all shit and it’s my fault! Let me fix this!”
“I don’t exactly trust your plans or your judgement. Not right now.” Asta may as well have said she didn’t trust Ravenna, for that was how her words felt. A slap to her face.
One Ravenna deserved.
“I’m sorry,” she murmured. “I’m so, so sorry, Asta.”
The orcess huffed, nostrils flaring, and turned away. “I promised Vallek I’d keep you safe. He valued your life over his own, as any mate would.” When Asta looked at her again, it was with a forbidding frown. “Wewill think of something to get him back.”
Ravenna didn’t know if she was included in thatwe.
She didn’t deserve to be. Not after this.
Asta retook her place at the front of the tent, and Leita withdrew her arms.
The fae offered another piteous look. “Amaranthe destroys everything. She’s like a plague, heartless and inevitable.” With those rousing words, Leita silently slipped to the corner of the tent she’d claimed as her own over the past few days.
Left alone in the center of the tent, Ravenna’s legs shook until she finally went down. Her energy crashed along with her, all her confidence and determination left to pool on the packed earth floor.
Fates, what have I done?
Her horror was a shard of ice in her heart. How could she have believed she would best a Fae Queen? Armed with a dagger and a set of manacles—how could she have been so arrogant?
Because she had visions? Because her mate had decided she was a queen herself?
She was nothing. None of that. A scared little halfling girl, alone in the world.
She should have stayed in her bower. Not a bother or burden to anyone anymore. All she did was cause misfortune and harm to others.
She should have been brave enough to stop her parents, to stop Vallek.I’m not worth it.They didn’t need to protect her, to sacrifice for her. She was nothing.
For the first time since her death, Ravennaachedfor her mother. She hadn’t let herself miss Aine too much, focusing instead on her revenge, but now, with the wreckage of that vengeance surrounding her, Ravenna wept. Drawing her arms around herself, sobs wracking her, she longed for her mother’s soft voice, her gentle comfort. Aine’s touch wouldn’t solve anything, but in her darkest hour, Ravenna wished for nothing more, nothing less.
But Aine was gone. Just like Vallek.
Tears burned her cheeks, but Ravenna didn’t wipe them away. She couldn’t move from her place on the floor, hunched over on herself. Limbs heavy, rubbery, she didn’t want to move, either. Down here was where she belonged. In the dirt. Amongst the worms.
Her breathing grew reedy as failure pressed upon her shoulders. The bond inside her, that precious thing she’d denied for years but foolishly let grow, strained under the distance. He was alive, for now, she could feel that at least. But he was gone. Not here. When he should have been.
He should be here.
Vallek was the one worthwhile. He was the one meant to lead and remake the world. The gods, fates, destiny, whatever it was, had marked him for greatness.
She was but a leech, clinging to him as if she could imbibe some of his easy confidence for herself. He knew his place in the world, and if she was attached to him, belonged to him, then she would have a place in the world, too.
She hadn’t meant for that place to be his downfall.
I’m sorry. It’s my fault. I’m sorry…
