Page 146 of Satan's Spawn
He’s back to playing the silent role.
“Why did you attack that guy earlier?” I ask after a few more beats of silence.
“Because of how he spoke to you.”
“Why do you care how someone speaks to me if you hate me?”
“Fuck if I know.” He huffs.
“I think it’s easier for you to believe you don’t care than actually face the fact that you do. That you’re not all bad.” I shrug. “Just like I’m not all good.”
A muscle in his jaw tightens. “Is this you admitting you’re bad?”
“This is me admitting I’mhuman. Just like you are.” I kick my feet in the water. “I don’t believe our worth is measured by what’s good about us or bad…I think it’s measured by what we do with that good and bad.”
If I had to guess he doesn’t like the answer, because his nose does that flaring thing. “That’s easy for someone like you to say.”
“Someone like me, how?”
“Who has the perfect life.”
I let out a sarcastic chuckle. “Trust me…if I did I wouldn’t be here.”
“Where would you be?” He asks, casting a glance ahead.
“I’d be in San Diego, finishing out my high school years as I had planned, working my ass off to get into Stanford.”
“What do you want to major in?”
“Psychology, with a minor in Religion and Cultural Studies.”
He lets out a low scoff. “Of course you do.”
Unsure of what he means by that, the sense of his tone tells me it’s better to not find out if I want him to continue peeling those layers.
“Why did you follow me today, Crayton?” I ask for the second time, hoping it garners a different result.
“I don’t know.”
Well, it’s different, but not any more insightful.
“Liar. Tell me.”
His chest rises and falls in haggard motions.
“No.”
“Tell. Me.”
“Because I’m fucking drawn to you, okay?” He runs a hand over his head. “ I don’t know why, since every cell in my body urges me to hate you, but I can’t fucking stay away.”
“So don’t, Crayton. We don’t have to be enemies.”
I watch intently as he fights some battle in his head, his hands squeezing his knees in frustration.
In fear of this night turning to shit and Crayton going back to spitting verbal venom, I make a bold move that I hope will snap him out of the internal war.
Lighten the mood.
