“You’ll get hurt.” I tried to hold onto my conviction. To keep the image of Annie, broken and bleeding, all because she tried in vain to help me.
“You can’t scare me, sweetheart.” His hands went to the top of the blanket. He began to inch it down until it came to my waist, stopping above my shorts.
We were at the point of no return. Either I let him continue, and we fell into each other’s wanton embrace, or I found the strength to make him leave.
His fingers caressed the exposed skin of my belly, his eyes searching my face for protest. I knew if I said anything, he’d stop. I opened my mouth again and again to make him leave. But the lie couldn’t fall from my lips. I wanted this. I wanted him.
“Are you going to hurt me, baby?” His green-hazel eyes flashed with mischief, sending a shiver down my spine as he leaned down, placing a kiss on the sensitive skin near my navel.
“No.” The words slipped out, because I meant it with all my heart. “But someone else might. People around me… people who help me… they get hurt.”
His tongue darted out, his fingers traced the top elastic of the shorts, pulling them down little by little.
He took a deep inhale, groaning with pleasure.
He flashed me a grin, that thick, silver beard grazed my sensitive skin as my shorts went lower, his breath making my skin break out in goosebumps.
“Bring it on.” He said it quietly, but the power of his conviction made me still as his finger slipped beneath the silk that separated him from my sex.
I gasped, blushing, reaching down to push his hand away.
“No!” I tried to scurry away.
He stilled. “No?”
He sat up, creating distance between us. Distance I resented.
“No,” I said, sighing because, of course, he would take it as a rejection.
A decent man always did, didn’t they? A woman said no, and they backed away with no question, no hesitation.
“No, I don’t mean…no.” My heart beat in my ears as I grasped for the words that would not spoil this one infinitesimal moment of pleasure I was offered. “I mean that I’m not the same woman I was when you met me.”
I swallowed, afraid of what he might see in the sparse light. Would he see my scars? The bumps where my bones had not healed completely straight? Would he see the years of pain and pity me?
“I don’t take care of myself the way I used to,” I whispered, my cheeks flushed. “I’m not as pretty as I used to be.”
I shut my eyes, trying to get to the real pain point.
“I also don’t react the way I used to.” A tear slipped down my cheek already, and we hadn’t even done anything. “I might… I sometimes… When I get lost in the moment, I might…”
How could I even explain the panic and self-loathing I felt when I was pleasured? I’d sound like a madwoman.
“I’d rather you remembered me as I used to be. Not how I am now.”
When he wiped my tear away with his thumb, another came to take its place.
Cobra reminded me of what I had been, and how far I had fallen.
“I don’t look like a twenty-year-old buck either.” He brought up his free hand to wipe my other cheek, fighting the flow of tears. “And at my age? The idea of being with a twenty-year-old is a little off-putting, don’t you think?”
His face was shadowed in the darkness, making the cut of his high cheekbones. He was handsome. He always had been. But that look in his eyes? The affection that lived within those beautiful irises promised the world. I wanted the world I saw in his eyes.
He abruptly stood, went to the door and closed it, flipping the latch to lock it.
He stood at the side of the bed, just looking at me. Then he bent down to unlace his black riding boots, pulling them off and tossing them unceremoniously on the thick rug. He pulled his long-sleeved shirt over his head. My mouth dropped open when broad shoulders gave way to perfectly defined pecs covered with a layer of white hair that traveled down the center of his abs, flanked by a perfect six pack. The same trail of hair went down into his boxers, where I knew it led to his glorious member.
“I’ll stop anytime, baby. But I don’t think you want me to.” He smirked down at me as his hands went to his belt. I swallowed hard, feeling the creep of heat between my thighs.