Page 250 of The Baby Bargain
She looks at me like she doesn't believe me. "It was messy, but it worked out. You backed off. We both moved on."
"You're doing better."
She stares at me, assessing me. "It doesn't have anything to do with you."
"Doesn't it?"
Her lips press together. "I had to change a lot of things. I had to switch my meds and start seeing a therapist and exercise every day. And, yes, I needed to end things. I needed to get away from that pattern."
It makes sense. I want to believe it. To believe that I wasn't the thing holding her back.
She's right. Who the fuck do I think I am, giving myself that much power and importance?
Is it that simple? That we were misguided kids who couldn't break our pattern?
She pulls her arm over her chest. Wraps her fingers around her elbow. "I should have gotten in touch. But I… I still couldn't look you in the eyes. I hadn't forgiven myself yet."
"I forgave you."
She blinks and a tear catches on her lashes. "Yeah?"
I nod.
"But you… you were so mad and hurt. And you're not… you really…"
"I do."
She wipes a tear. "You swear?"
I do. There's still a part of me that hurts, that can't believe how much I missed, but I get it.
She was hurting and she didn't see another way.
It was about her. Not me.
And she got better when I gave her what she asked. What she needed.
Maybe…
Maybe if I take Mom and Hunter and Ariel at their words—
Maybe that will be enough.
Chapter Fifty-Five
Ariel
My brain shifts into work mode. The way it did after Mom died.
I turn off my phone. Check only my work email. Ignore my brothers and my dad. Eat dinner in my room.
It's a comfortable routine.
Wake up. Breakfast. Work. School. Work. Lunch. Work. Dinner. Work. Walk. Work. Sleep.
The walk is the hard part. The place where thoughts threaten to ruin my sense of calm.
I shut them out with podcasts. Music is no good. It leaves too many gaps. Brings my mind to Mom and how much it hurt when she was gone.
