Page 26 of The Baby Bargain
When I watch an animated movie or pick up a graphic novel, it's like she's here. Smiling at me. Wrapping me in a blanket. Dropping hot cocoa on my desk.
She missed so many things.
Everything.
And now, she's going to miss this.
My hand goes to my lower abdomen reflexively.
It's silly. There's no chance I'm pregnant. I had my IUD removed a few days after I saw the test. A few days ago.
I haven't had sex since.
That's the great thing about a copper IUD. I can get pregnant immediately. In theory.
But…
Ahem.
I open my laptop. Pull up my thesis. Play Soft Cell.
Mom's favorite. Okay, second favorite. She loved loved loved Madonna, but I just can't with the Queen of Pop.
The familiar song fills the room. Between the moody vocals and the puzzle in my thesis, I slip into work.
It's hard to describe my feelings about statistics. There isn't a romantic language, the way there is with art. But it's the same love.
This is where I live.
This is what makes sense.
This is what makes my heart sing.
A bunch of data with no clear question or answer?
There's nothing better.
I work until my stomach growls, then I make a hot chocolate, and I work some more.
When I finally stop, shower, change into pajamas, I spot the notification on my phone.
Text message from Chase Keating.
I press my eyelids together. Suck a breath through my nose. I need a yes. I need his help. I need someone I trust—someone who isn't saddled with the baggage of Mom's death.
I press my thumb to the pad to unlock my cell.
One, two—
There.
Chase: Why not use a sperm donor?
It's none of his business, but that response isn't going to get me anywhere.
Ariel: There's a lot of paperwork. It's a time-consuming process.
Chase: That's it?
