Page 29 of Come to Me
Ally draws back.
"I'll do what I want to do. If I want to call you, I'll call you."
"If you don't want to call me, call your sponsor, talk to your therapist. But I'm going to miss you too. I'm going to be lonely without you too."
"That's not the same."
"Maybe not." I agree, switching gears. "But you've been in recovery for almost two years. Borrowing trouble isn't a good idea."
"Yeah," she sighs, accepting that truth. "Technically it's been two years."
"Two years. And it's been almost a year since you've purged, right?"
"Wow. You said purge without cringing. That's serious progress."
"Ally."
"Okay, you're right. Sorry. I have been doing well with recovery. I'm just... I'm scared. You can reassure me all you want. But I'm still going to be scared."
At least that's honest.
"Okay."
I rub her shoulders and she leans into me. "I'm terrified," she admits. "I can barely shop for groceries by myself. How am I supposed to survive six months alone?"
I slide my arms around her. "I know you can do it. You're one of the strongest people I know."
She pulls away, shaking her head. "Maybe."
"Ally. Don't beat yourself up before you've even tried."
Her demeanor softens, her defensive stance dropping away for now.
"Let's finish this and go back to the apartment, okay? It was a long trip and we're both tired."
I agree.
She's right. It's not a good idea to talk about this while we're both not at our best.
* * *
This is supposedto be the city that never sleeps, a place brimming with life.
But on a Saturday afternoon, the financial district is dead quiet. And it's mocking me.
Alyssa is back on the defensive, and she shows no signs of letting down those walls. I rack my brain for subtle ways to nudge her out of hiding, but I've got nothing.
She's in a new place. She's overwhelmed and under slept. It's fair that she's upset.
Doesn't make it any less frustrating.
I wait until we're back in the apartment to broach the subject. "Ally, talk to me."
She rubs her face.
"Can we just not talk for a little while? I'm exhausted.”
"I need a little time to not think about anything."
