Page 87 of Come to Me
"Okay." She lets out a tiny sigh. "The thing is... I'm not sure if I'm ready."
My muscles tighten.
She's not sure if she's ready.
Part of me was hoping a proposal would help her move forward with me, help her envision a future for us.
Surprise fucking surprise—it didn't.
Hell, I should have expected this.
But that does nothing to make me hate it less, and it certainly doesn't help the tension building in my neck.
"Okay," I say carefully.
She makes an impatient noise.
"Luke, I know it's not okay."
"If this is too fast for you, I'll slow down. We don't have to set a date. We don't have to plan anything. You'll be ready eventually."
There's a long moment of silence. "What if I'm not?"
Fuck.
"How did you feel when I proposed? Right in that moment?"
"Excited."
There's a hint of fear in her voice. She's still trying not to disappoint me.
"You've got to stop this, Ally. Stop being afraid of hurting me. Sure, I don't like that you're terrified. But I want to know, so we can work through it together."
"It's not that easy." Her tone is sharp, now. Annoyed.
"You're right. It's not easy. But we can't just avoid it because it's hard."
She sighs.
The silence goes on for long enough that I start to wonder if she'll stop there.
"I'm terrified," she finally admits. "Terrified I'll disappear again. Because, once again, I'm not doing all that well without you."
I start to protest--she's living by herself while working in an incredibly demanding field--but that's exactly the type of thing that makes her recoil.
"Why do you feel like that?" I ask instead.
"It's getting harder for me to hold onto everything. I'm tempted to drown out my thoughts any way I know how."
"What kinds of thoughts?"
She exhales into the phone. "Thoughts that I'll fail, ruin what we have, nosedive in my career. Something awful. Or that you..."
"You can tell me."
"Okay." She sucks the air back into her lungs. "That you'll keep wanting more from me... and I'll keep failing to deliver."
My stomach clenches. It's a fair assessment. However much she gives me, I want more, and I'm not shy about making my feelings known.
