Page 87 of Dangerous Encore
9
Bella
Joel pullsstrings to get me an appointment with a reputable Ob/Gyn who's willing to come in on a holidayweekend.
It's a normal appointment. Up until theultrasound.
My heart pounds against my chest. My stomach rises up in my throat. I don't know why, but this is scarier than thepregnancytest.
The doctor smiles. She has a nice smile and a warm disposition, but I can barely notice any of her features. I'm too focused on keepingbreakfastdown.
She turns the machine to face me. There's something on the screen. It's mostly a grey blur. Or maybe it’sablob.
That little blob ismybaby.
Ourbaby.
I squeezeJoel'shand.
That's our baby. Even if it looks more like an alien than anythingrightnow.
"Your due date should be in May,”shesays.
I look up at my husband. "That'ssosoon."
"You scared?"heasks.
I nod. "But excited." I can make out the shape of him. Or her. It's just like Dad said. I have this warmth in mychest.
I'm terrified I'll get somethingwrong.
I'm terrified everything willchange.
But I'm sure this is what I want. I know it the same way I know I love Joel. The same way I know I need to dive into a good book when my nervesareshot.
He looks down at me, his smile ear to ear, his green eyesbright.
AndIknow.
This is what hewantstoo.
* * *
The restof the morning isablur.
We meet Dad forlunch.
The second we get there, heknows.
I don't know how—maybe the expression on my face or the way Joel is fussing over me—but that doesn'tmatter.
Dadknows.
And he's happyforus.
I cry over my bowl of pasta. They're happy tears, and hormone tears, and they'reeverything.
Because this is the other thing I want, my daddy proud of the direction my life isgoing.
