Page 27 of Connie
My legs are moving, making fast wide strides. When I feel fresh air hit my face I take what feels like my first breath in hours. I bend at the waist and rest my hands on my knees as I pant and allow the world to stop spinning around me.
This can’t be happening. No I must be dreaming, or having a nightmare is more accurate.
I knew I never should have touched Connie, but get her pregnant. No that really never should have happened. She told me she was on the pill and I trusted that would be enough.
Fuck.
What if it happens again, what if my families fucked up genes strike again? I can’t lose anyone else, I can’t. That is why I’ve always said I didn’t want kids. It ripped my mum and dad to pieces. I wouldn’t survive it after everything else. I’m not strong enough.
Chapter 7
Connie
“If you can take a seat outside and a nurse will call for you when she’s ready,” the sonographer says with a sympathetic look on her face. “Everything will be okay, my dear,” she adds on just as I open the door. I give her a small smile in response. It’s all I can manage.
The first person I see when I walk through the door is Ruben. Well I wasn’t expecting Fin to be stood there waiting for me. He pushes himself off the wall he was leaning on and comes over to give me a hug.
“I’m so sorry, Con. I thought…well I clearly didn’t think.”
“It’s fine, I know you were doing what you thought was best. I guess he’s made it obvious how he feels about having a baby then.”
“Oh I thought when he stormed out that you’d,” she stops himself and shakes his head. “Everything’s okay with the baby?”
“Yes everything looks fine.”
“It was just a shock for him to find out that way. He probably just needs some fresh air and thinking space, he’ll be back,” Ruben says with confidence. I know differently though. I would put money on him never walking back through the doors again.
It’s another hour before I’m allowed to leave. Ruben stayed with me the whole time although he was the other side of the room when they started putting needles in me to get blood, whimp!
We’re almost home and not a word has been spoken. I must have looked rough because he point blank refused to let me drive home myself instead insisting that he’d arrange for my car to be picked up later. He can obviously sense that I need some quiet time. I’ve been sat staring at my scan picture totally lost in my own little world, so when he does speak he scares the shit out of me.
“I’m really sorry, Con. I thought he needed to know and to be there. I didn’t expect…that.”
“It’s fine. I think the real reason I hadn’t told him before was because I was scared of his reaction. Something told me he wouldn’t take it well. He’s always been so secretive about his family that I guess it made worry about what he would think of having one of his own.”
“I wish he’d let us in. It frustrates the fuck out of me that he won’t let us help with whatever it is.”
“Same,” I mutter. “I’ll give him some time then I’ll go and find him. I can’t just leave it at that.”
“Are you going to be okay or do you need me to stay?” Ruben asks when he pulls up in front of our house.
“No, I’m fine. I’m just going to go back to bed for a bit.”
I lay straight down on my bed the second I get into my room, it’s only eleven o’clock in the morning but I’m exhausted. All the excitement that today has already given out is obviously too much for me these days. I put my head down on my pillow and continue to stare at the scan picture while placing my other hand on my belly. I feel myself tear up again the longer I stare at it.
That’s our baby.
I make a promise there and then that no matter what happens with his daddy I will make sure I love him enough for the both of us. Yes I think it’s a boy, no idea why but I have this really strong feeling that my tiny bump is on team blue. A little blond haired blue eyed version of his dad. A tear drops at that thought. I don’t want to do this alone; I want Fin by my side and holding my hand. That might be out of the question though.
When I show my face at the coffee shop later that afternoon I find Mum behind the counter as expected but what I don’t expect to see if a tall, slim blonde with her.
“Lilly, what are you doing here?”
“I came to see Emma but she hasn’t got home from work yet so I came here, you’re mum was run off her feet so I said I’d help out.”
Lilly and I got talking at Emma and Ruben’s engagement party and we instantly hit it off. We’ve kept in touch ever since. She may be a couple of years younger than me but it hasn’t stopped her checking to see if I was okay after all the drama that kicked off that day. She’s a real sweetie.
“Thank you, I really appreciate it.”
