Page 32 of Connie
Connie
I know I said I wouldn’t go running back to him again, that I was going to be strong, stand up for myself, but all of this is just too much. I couldn’t walk away from him now even if you paid me.
Fin and I talked for hours last night. He told me all about what his life is actually like and my heart bled for him. I hate myself for not seeing how much he was suffering but as he told me himself he’s a stubborn bastard and wouldn’t allow anyone to see it. He has agreed to accept my help though, and the help of Ruben and our parents, who I know will want to do everything they can. Fin and Ruben aren’t exactly on speaking terms yet but they’ll get there. Ruben must have had some realisation because he did bring Fin to my appointment after all, if he really hated him he wouldn’t have done that. I’m not stupid enough to think Emma didn’t have anything to do with that mind you.
I told him all about my pregnancy and apologised again and again for not telling him sooner. He said it was okay but after the amount of things he’s kept from me he could hardly say much else really could he?
“So it’s all you’re fault really,” he says after a few minutes of silence.
“What’s my fault?”
“You said last night that you think you fell pregnant the night of your birthday. Well you practically threw yourself at me that night, begged me. I tried to be strong, do the right thing but you forced me. So it’s your fault!”
“Okay, fine,” I say with a smile, “it’s all my fault.”
Fin passes me over a plate of toast. He’s been so sweet this morning holding my hair up and rubbing my back while I puked into his toilet.
After our long talk last night Fin put me to bed, he could see I was struggling to stay awake and I was grateful, it had been an eventful day. And with the picture of our baby propped up on his bedside table and his hand resting gently on my belly we fell fast asleep together.
Fin told me all about his fears that what happened to William and his mum will happen to me and our baby. I reassured him that testing is better these days and if there is something wrong it will be seen, I think I managed to make him feel better but I could still see the scepticism in his eyes. Knowing all this does make his running from the hospital yesterday a little more understandable, not only was it a shock to find out I was pregnant he also had those thoughts running through his head. I could see the panic in his features when I was being ill this morning, it took me quite a long time to convince him I was fine, that it was normal and being sick was actually a sign of a healthy pregnancy.
“How are you feeling about today?” I ask him after I’ve had a couple of bites. We agreed last night that we were going to talk to both my parents and Ruben and Emma today. That he was going to open up. Oh and we’re going to announce that we are giving it another go, out in the open.
“Honestly. Shit scared. I’m scared they’ll be pissed off that I’ve kept it secret for so long.”
“Don’t be silly, they’ll understand.” I reach over and give him a kiss on the cheek.
“Good morning,” Fred says when he appears in his flannel pyjamas a little while later. He looks much better this morning.
“Dad,” Fin says cautiously, obviously trying to judge how he is today.
“Morning, Fin, Connie, was it? Sorry my memory isn’t what it used to be.”
I see Fin breath a huge sigh of relief. We’ve made a plan and we need his dad in a relatively sound mind so we can talk to him about it.
“That’s it,” I say smiling up at him. “Come and have breakfast with us.”
“Dad, we need to talk to you about something.”
Fred looks between us nervously. “I’ve got to move out, haven’t I?”
The way he asks is so sad that I have to really fight not to burst into tears. Fin was right last night when he told me how much his dad loves this place and it makes me so glad that we came to the decision we have.
“No Dad, a few things are going to change though and I need to know you’re going to be okay with that.”
“Go on,” he says sceptically.
“Connie and I have actually been together for quite a while and…she’s pregnant, Dad.”
We both watch to see what his reaction is going to be. Fin was concerned that talk of pregnancy and baby’s might be a trigger for him. He doesn’t do anything for long seconds but soon enough a huge smile splits his face.
“Congratulations.”
“And if it’s okay with you, Connie and the baby are going to live here, with us.”
“That’s wonderful, will be nice to have a woman about the place again.”
Fin goes to say something else but as I look at Fred I physically see the lights go out. Fin stutters, he obviously sees it too.
