Page 6 of Connie
She continues to hold me while I sob. I have no idea how long we’re there for but a lot of people walk up and down the corridor past us. People must think someone has died, well to be honest I kind of feel like someone has. I meant what I said, I won’t go back to him again. It hurts too much every time he decides to end it.
Ten years ago…
The second Fin is out of my room my mum turns her stare on me. I can’t help my face burning up in embarrassment. I’ve always been very open with my mum about this kind of stuff but having her walk in on this is pushing the limits slightly, especially as I know there is a used condom on the floor and I know that she’s seen it.
I can’t quite decipher the look in her eyes. I can see disappointment, sympathy and a little of her own embarrassment. It’s the disappointment and sympathy that cause me to burst into tears.
“I’m sorry,” I wail as I put my head in my hands.
She wraps her arms around my shoulders and rocks me until I calm down.
“I don’t think Fin was the right choice, love,” is all she says when I’ve quietened down a little and it makes my tears turn into laughter. Of all the things she could say in this situation.
“I need to go and find Ruben,” I say getting up and grabbing some clothes. Mum tries to tell me to leave him to calm down and come home by himself but I can’t sit here and wait, I need to talk to him.
Mum leaves me to get dressed and within minutes I’m out of the house and heading across the fields.
I knew he’d be in the barn, it’s where he always goes when things get a bit much. He loves it here, so much that he’s actually planning on buying the barn and land from my parents so he can convert it to a house.
“Ru,” I say when I find him sat on a couple of pallets with a can of beer in his hand.
“What the fuck, Con?”
“I’m sorry, I just got carried away,” I say willing the tears that are threatening to spill again to go away.
“Aw, don’t cry. It’s not your fault. Come here.” He says getting up and pulling me into his arms. “This is all Fin’s fault, he shouldn’t have been anywhere near you. Did he force you?”
“What? No! It was as much me as it was him. Please don’t give him a hard time about this, Ru.”
“Too late for that. He knew what would happen if he touched you.”
“Ruben, please. Just let it go.”
“No. No I won’t let it go. He had no right to touch you, to do…that.” He runs his eyes quickly down my body looking disgusted with me. “You’re too sweet, too pure for him.”
“I-”
“Can you just leave me to it please,” he says grabbing another can and turning his back one me.
I can tell he’s still angry so I do as he asks, not wanting to rile him up any more. I have somewhere else I need to go anyway.
Fin’s house is the other side of the village so it takes me a while to get there walking. Life has been made much easier for Fin, Ruben and my parents now they can both drive themselves back and forth. I can’t wait to have the same luxury.
Fin must see me coming because he has the front door open before I even lift my arm to knock.
He looks a hell of a lot better than the last time I saw him. He’s cleaned the blood off and has a couple of butterfly stitches across one eyebrow. Both his eyes are black and swollen though and both his bottom and top lip are split open with dried blood on them. I lift my hand to touch his poor face but he cuts me off.
“Don’t,” he says coldly and pushes my outstretched arm away. I flinch back at the coolness of his tone.
“Can I come in?”
He glances behind him before saying, “no. We’ll talk out here.” He steps forward and forces me to walk backwards and down the couple of steps to the driveway before he closes the door behind him. I follow him around to the side of the house to a bench and I sit down. I wait for him to join me but he just stands and puts his hands in his jean pockets. He looks off into the distance before saying, “nothing is going to happen between us again. It was a mistake.”
“What? Is this because I’m Ruben’s sister?”
“It’s because of a lot of things, Connie, things that you wouldn’t understand.”
“Oh, so it’s because of my age then. I understand things perfectly fine thank you very much, so try me. Explain what I couldn’t possibly understand.”
