Page 17 of Molly: Part One
Jo was the grief counsellor I found for us after the accident. I cannot believe six months have passed since my best friend and Ryan’s girlfriend Hannah died in a car crash, when I think about it, it feels like it could have been last week. That was the most devastating day of my life.
When Ryan phoned me in the middle of the night from the hospital in hysterics and told me to get there as soon as possible my stomach fell into my feet. When I got there and found out what actually happened it felt like my heart literally just left my body. I remember falling into Ryan in floods of tears and we sobbed together on the floor of the hospital for what felt like hours.
Susan and Pete found us in the waiting room after a while, pulled us up and sat us in chairs. They explained in as much detail as they could what had happened between their own sobs. Hannah and Emma had both worked that evening at Cocoa’s. When they eventually locked up after a busy night, Emma’s car wouldn’t start so Hannah offered for her to stay the night at the flat. Emma had work the next morning so needed to go home, Hannah offered to take her back to their parents house. They were not far away from the Morrison’s house at a junction, Hannah pulled out to cross the road, when a drunk driver came flying at them like a bat out of hell and crashed into the driver side. According to the medics Hannah died instantly and wouldn’t have been in any pain. Emma, on the other hand, was stuck in the passenger seat with multiple broken bones and bruises. She managed to phone an ambulance, then her parents.
Ryan and I seemed to deal with our grief in a similar way. We shut ourselves off from everyone but each other and the Morrison’s. We never really spoke about Hannah, we comforted each other by just being there. Someone recommended Jo to me and I signed us up for a joint session. We fell in love with her in that first hour, she was straight talking and didn’t do any of the softly, softly approach that other people had tried that made my skin crawl. She just said it how it was and gave us great advice. Which is what Ryan is talking about. She would tell us how shitty a situation it was but that we had to be thankful for the time we did have with her. Celebrate everyday in what a wonderful person she was and the joy she brought to our lives. She told us that we had to continue to live and we had to find a way to be happy because that was what Hannah would have wanted for us, and to Ryan especially, she continually told him not to be afraid to love again and to move on. He still had a life to live, we both did, and they needed to be full of fun and love. Hence our motto, live, laugh, love.
Ryan must have noticed I was taking a trip down memory lane because at some point he moved next to me and put his arm around my shoulders. I feel his thumb catch a tear I didn’t realise had fallen from my eye.
“I’m sorry, we’re meant to be celebrating and being happy,” I say as I lean my head on his shoulder.
“We are but that doesn’t mean we aren’t going to be sad as well sometimes. It’s okay Molls,” he whispers in my ear and rubs his hand up and down my arm in comfort when he feels me start crying harder.
Once I pull myself together, I pull my head back to look at him and notice his eyes are looking a little wet as well.
“So, the reason I have so much luggage was partly because I over did the shopping this morning but also because I bought I few things with me in case we needed them.” Ryan raises his eyebrow in question so I continue. “I brought some of Hannah’s favourite DVD’s, a couple of photo albums, twister and a bottle of Apple Sourz.” I can’t help but smile at the thought of them and the memories of us all together they bring to mind.
“When I said celebrate I wasn’t really thinking I’d have to spend a day watching your two’s favourite girly DVD’s but now you say it, I think it’s perfect. Thank you for thinking of it Molly. Why didn’t you say anything when I was taking the piss earlier?”
“I didn’t want to bring it up before it was necessary, look what it’s done to us!” I say pointing at our smiling yet tear stained faces in amusement. “I don’t know how I would have done this without you Ryan Evans. Thank you,” I say cuddling back into him and looking out to the star filled sky, hoping Hannah is looking down on us happy because we made it through together.
“You to, Molly,” he says sounding a little choked up.
We spent the rest of the night getting drunk, chatting about everything and nothing. We did cry some more but we laughed so much that the happy tears blended with the sad. Ryan was right, we needed to celebrate and that was exactly what we were doing. I couldn’t help but think of the people we had left at home and how they were feeling though.
We eventually got out in the early hours of Tuesday morning. Somehow we managed, in our drunken state, to figure out that there were electronically controlled blinds in the ceiling that came down over the sliding doors so Ryan wouldn’t be awake as soon as the sun rose. I argued that I was okay to sleep on the day bed as I was crashing his holiday but ever the gentleman, Ryan point blank refused and practically pushed me into the bedroom. I showered and changed into my new pyjamas that I thought were a suitable mix between cute and sexy for a holiday with my best friend and fell fast asleep.
I wake the next morning to the sound of my mobile ringing. When it stops I roll over to go back to sleep thinking I will talk to whoever it is later, but it just starts again. Groaning, I open my eyes and try to locate it. By the time I get to it, it stops again but seeing that it was Emma I ring her back straight away.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Emma shouts down the line. “How could you, you fucking bitch?”
“Emma, calm the fuck down, what’s wrong?” Silly question really, her twin died six months ago today, what isn’t wrong?
“You and Ryan, that didn’t take you fucking long did it? I knew you were after him the whole time he was with Hannah. Then as soon as she dies, in you step to take her place. Now you’re fucking living with him in the house that Hannah practically paid for and going away on holiday with him. How could you Molly, h-h-how c-c-c-could y-y-you?” She starts to sob uncontrollably on the other end.
“Emma it’s okay, I’m here for you, it’s okay.” I say in what I hope is a soothing voice as she continues to sob. Eventually her breathing evens out.
“Molly?”
“Yes, hun?”
“I’m sorry,” she says in a quiet voice.
“It’s okay, you’re allowed to be angry and if that needs to be at me then that’s okay. I’m here for whatever you need.” I say calmly, trying to forget the beginning part of our phone call. I know she’s being irrational because she’s angry.
“I shouldn’t have said that to you, Mum and Dad just said that you came round on Saturday to tell them you have moved in with Ry and then that you were on holiday with him, I just flipped out ya know. I’m so sorry.”
“Em, really it’s fine. I tried to get hold of you over the weekend to explain everything but your phone was off. I’ll spare you the full details until I see you but basically I caught Max cheating so I went to Ry’s, he offered me his downstairs room instead of me finding somewhere of my own. I love it there and being with him, he’s been my rock through this and I think I’ve been his. I wasn’t expecting to be coming on holiday with him, he booked it for himself months ago but as he has been dealing with Hannah’s death he realised he didn’t want to come here alone like he planned originally. So he invited me and we have come to celebrate her. I would never do anything to hurt you, Emma. You know that, don’t you? Ryan and I are just friends. He’s like my brother, just like he is to you.”
“Yeah I do know that, I’m sorry, I’m just a bit emotional. Hey, he’s one seriously hot brother though, right! How’s the beach clothing working out for you?” she says with her normal humour starting to creep in telling me she’s almost over her breakdown, for now anyway.
“Uh yeah, not a bad view around here actually now that you mention it. The bay is pretty nice to look at too!” I can hear her laughing on the other end.
“Well, I’ll let you go and enjoy your day celebrating, sorry I rang so early, I just needed to shout at you.”
“No problem, I’m here for you to abuse anytime you need it! I’ll ring you later and make sure you’re okay, keep your bloody phone on.”
“Yeah okay, talk to you later. Love you.”
