Page 22 of Molly: Part One
I look back at her and realise that she is right, she has a lovely glow over her skin and a bit of a pink nose. I watch as she stands and staggers a little. Yep, not just me that’s buzzed then, I continue watching as she makes her way to the bedroom swaying slightly.
I’ve been running for a long time, my legs are burning and the sweat is pouring off me. Once I climbed over the rocks we can see from the hut that we thought was the end of the beach I found a long sandy stretch that I went the entire length of. It was more touristy that our secluded piece of heaven next door.
I am now back sat on those rocks looking over the beach, I’m watching a young family building sandcastles. The little girl can’t be more that two years old and her parents are still in their twenties I’d say. They are having such fun. I know it’s stupid to feel it because I am in no way lonely but that’s how I feel in this moment. Actually, since I lost Hannah I’ve felt lonely. I loved sharing my life with her, it made me feel complete. To wake up to her in the morning and hold her in my arms at night before I fell asleep.
That lonely feeling is soon overtaken by guilt, for the past six months when I have pictured my future I was alone, yes I had my friends and family around me but I was living alone in my house. But all of a sudden a change in that vision has taken me by surprise and scared the fuck out of me. I now see Molly. And I don’t mean living downstairs, I mean I see Molly everywhere. Her making me dinner at night, going out together, putting the Christmas tree up, in bed, being that family I’m watching.
“FUCK,” I shout as I run my hands through my hair and feel the tears running down my face. I scrub them away with the back of my hands. I promised Hannah I would move on one day, every time I go to her grave I tell her that I will because I know that is what she would want for me and I was fine with that happening...one day. But how has that one day come so quickly and why is it Molly? She made it pretty clear this morning that we are just friends and she sees me as her brother. Yes, I’ve caught her checking me out, but what can I say, she is only a woman and I do have a pretty good body so that really doesn’t mean anything. I often appreciate what is in front of me but it doesn’t mean I want them.
Shit, what would Hannah think about Molly and me? Molly was her best friend, would she think it is weird, what would she want me to do?
I sit there for a while longer trying to get my head together when it comes to Molly. I come to the decision that I’ve got to put my new feelings aside, firstly so I can try to make sense of them and secondly so I can be the friend she needs me to be. If I push anything then I’m likely to push her away and I need her. If what I’m feeling is meant to happen then it will, I won’t need to push it.
With that little pep talk over I head back to the beach hut, what I find when I get there almost makes me forget everything I’ve just told myself.
