Page 3 of Lilly
“Yeah. I thought that was why you were ringing, to tellme.”
“No, I’ve got other news. What did shehave?”
I go on to tell her all I know. “So what did you have to tellme?”
“You will not believe what Daniel’s done,” sheexclaims.
“Go on.” Knowing Molly’s brother, it could beanything.
“He whisked Beth back off to Paris and proposed on the Eiffel Tower. I just got a photo of the two of them still up there with her wearing this massive rock on her finger. And when I say massive, I mean it’s fucking huge,Lills.”
“Wow, that’s amazing,” I say, trying to muster up as much happiness as I can. Because just like Connie, it’s not that I’m not happy for them. I’m ecstatic that Daniel’s found someone. I just feel like everyone is moving on with their lives. All this amazing stuff is happening to them but I’m stuck. I’m fighting every day to pull myself out of the pits of hell while everyone around me is enjoying everything life is throwing at them. I feel like I’m still lying in my stairwell six months ago, wondering if I’m going tosurvive.
I just about manage to get Molly off the phone before I completely break down. Dec, my twin brother, is the only member of my family that knows what happened last summer. Everyone I love has been through so much in the last couple of years with losing my older sister, Hannah, that I kept everything from them. Dec wasn’t happy with my decision, but he stuck byme.
I’m unattractively sobbing on the sofa when I suddenly hear a throat clearing behind me. I jump up from my seat in panic and turn around to see who’s walkedin.
My eyes run from his spotlessly polished shoes, up his perfectly pressed trousers and over his waistcoat and crisp shirt until I reach his eyes. They are dark and staring daggers at me. His glare renders me motionless but my heart starts to race. A huge part of me wants to run, run as far away and as fast as I can from this situation. I’ve barely had this promotion two hours and I’ve already screwed itup.
I square my shoulders and stand up. I wipe the tears from my cheeks with the backs of my hands as I wait for the ear bashing I’m about to get for slacking on thejob.
Only it doesn’tcome.
His eyes start of hard and vicious but as the seconds tick by they begin to soften as he continues to stare at me. I must be mistaken though, because there is nothing about the man stood in front of me that’s soft. He’s a ruthless businessman who tramples on anyone who gets in his way. I have no reason to suspect he’s going to go gentle on me just because I’ve shed a few tears. I raise my chin slightly to him as I prepare for him to tear a strip offme.
He opens his mouth to say something but what comes out shocks the hell out of me. “Are you okay?” There is no harsh demanding tone. Instead, there’s concern.Weird.
“I’m…uh…” I stutter because this is so unexpected. I thought I’d already be on my way home with my P45 in my hand by now. “I’m fine. I just received some news and I…” I don’t continue, because I realise that he really doesn’t care; he’s just trying to be kind and I appreciate that, but I’m here to do a job. “I’ll just get on with it,” I say, gesturing to theroom.
I pick up my phone and go to walk past him. I don’t make eye contact. I’m scared he’ll return to his usual self once I get back towork.
I’m frozen to the spot when he moves and clamps his hand around my wrist. I daren’t look up at him because I don’t know what I might find looking back at me—and also because he really doesn’t need to see the fresh tears in myeyes.
“If you need to go and have sometime…”
I’m so shocked by his words that my eyes snap up to his. Close up, they look bluer than Ithought.
“It…it’s fine, honestly.” My voice quivers, showing that I’m anything but finereally.
“Well, if you’re sure,” he says hesitantly. I can only presume that being in the presence of an emotional woman isn’t the norm forhim.
He holds my eye contact and I’m powerless to look away. There are only inches between us. I’m surrounded by his scent and his kindness touches me. Then I do something so unlike me and so utterly stupid that I can’t even comprehendit.
I lean forward and kiss him. I actually kisshim!
I pull back the second my lips touch his, like I’ve been burned. What the hell am Idoing?
“I’m sorry,” I mutter before rushing out of theroom.
* * *
My heart’spounding and I’m sweating from running the short distance from the hotel to my flat. I rush up the stairs and through the living room before landing face down on my bed. I scream into my pillow to release my frustration and anger at myself for my appalling behaviour. I scream until the tears take over, then I sob for what feels like hours. I cry sad tears for what I had, for what has been taken from me. I cry happy tears for Daniel and Beth, then some more for Connie, Fin and little Noah. Connie and I have become close friends over the last few months while I helped with her and Fin’s house renovations. Connie’s best friend is my older sister, Emma, and Fin is Emma’s husband’s best friend. It’s all a bit close and complicated, but it’s safe to say I’m jealous of all of them. I know I’m only young and I’ve got all the time in the world, but knowing that doesn’t make me feel any better. It doesn’t even matter when Idofind ‘the one’;the chances of me having my own family are slim to none now, thanks theJake.
I eventually drag my sorry backside into the bathroom for a hot shower, hoping it might wash some of my misery down the drain. It’s wishful thinking though, because when I step out I don’t feel any better. The muscles in my shoulders might be a little less tense, but that’s aboutit.
I tug on a pair of jogging bottoms, then pull one of Taylor’s giant hoodies over my head. All thoughts of going to uni, or even leaving the flat ever again, are completely gone. Instead, I head to the kitchen and pull out everything I need to lose myself for a few hours. I kick the coffee machine into action and getstarted.
* * *
