Page 52 of Lilly
We chat about work and uni and life in general for the longest time. It makes me imagine doing this with him in ten, twenty years’ time. It’s what I imagine my mum and dad do after work—just enjoy each other’s company and talk about theirdays.
Eventually, I start yawning. The stress of the last few days and the alcohol from earlier have started taking theirtoll.
“Not yet, you don’t,” Lucas warns as he rolls on top of me. “I need to do this properly this time,” he whispers as he lowers his lips tomine.
His actions are so far from what I experienced downstairs. Earlier, he took exactly what he needed. I wasn’t going to stop him, mind you, but right now…this is about us. He takes his time, kissing and caressing every part of my body until I’m on fire. When he enters me, it’s so slow and gentle I think I’m going to combust with the need he’s aroused withinme.
He continues moving slowly while he kisses me. Lucas hasn’t really ever explicitly said how he feels about me, not that I have about him either, but this feels like he’s telling me. It’s just with his body instead of his words, and I get totally lost init.
It feels like it takes forever, but I start feeling my release approaching. My efforts to get Lucas to increase the pace have been ignored for his leisurelyspeed.
“Oh my God,” I groan as I feel it getting closer. It’s unlike me to be vocal, but the words just fall from me. “Yes, Lucas, let me feel you. Let me feel you making lov—” My words are halted and all movement ceases as I feel his hand press down against my mouth inpanic.
“Don’t,” he warns, before pulling out of me and marching out of theroom.
“Uh…” I say aloud, trying to work out what the hell just happened. I think back over the last few seconds and what could have causes his freak out. Then the words that I said come back to me. “Damn it,” I mutter as I swing my legs off the bed, grab his shirt to cover myself up with and head in the direction hedisappeared.
When I eventually find him, he’s sat outside on the decking, naked with a glass of what I presume is whiskey, and to my surprise, a cigarette in his hand. He’s looking out over the garden but I can tell by the hard lines of his face that he’s lost somewhere in his memories. I chastise myself for what I almost said. It’s not like he ever warned me, but from the few things he’s shared about his past I can understand why he might have aproblem.
“Lucas,” I say softly from the doorway. I know he’s heard me because he flinches slightly at my voice, but that’s the only reaction I get. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think. Please come back tobed.”
“Just go, Lilly,” he sayssadly.
I want to argue. I want to tell him so many things. That I didn’t mean it, that it was spur of the moment, that he’d swept me away. And yes, all those things were true, but the real reason I said it was because it was true. He was making love to me, he was telling me how he felt, and I was doing the same. Except I can just about accept what my feelings for him are, as scary as it might be. I know I’m falling in love with him. I hadn’t even considered how that might affect him. I think again about how if he had opened up to me before now then I wouldn’t need to feel like I’m walking on eggshells. I would know the triggers that send him backthere.
I have no idea if he means to just leave him alone or to leave the house but I make the decision to go back to bed and leave him toit.
I toss and turn for hours hoping he’ll return, but he doesn’t, and when I wake up in the morning the space next to me is still cold andempty.
I search the house for Lucas but come up empty. What am I meant to do now? I’m stuck here without a car and with only the clothes I was wearing last night and the insanely expensive Dolce & Gabbana dress I should have been wearing tonight. I get the feeling that won’t be happening now. I’m a little disappointed that I’m not going to get to wear it, but I’m more annoyed at the epic waste of money. I know Lucas has enough, but that’s not thepoint.
I go back to the kitchen and put the kettle on as I think about what to do for thebest.
I sit looking out over the garden with a pot of tea for the longest time, lost in my thoughts. The sound of the doorbell ringing scares the life out of me. When I glance over at the clock I’m surprised to see that it’s well past lunchtime. My heart drops when I walk through the empty house. Where is he? I tried ringing his mobile but went straight tovoicemail.
I look though the peephole when I get to the front door. I have no idea if I should be answering it or not, but seeing a young woman on the other side, I decide to go forit.
“Good afternoon, are you Lilly?” she asks with asmile.
“Uh…yeah,why?”
“I’m here to do your hair and make up for your event tonight. Mr. Dalton bookedme.
“I…uh…don’t think that’s necessary anymore,” I say, stepping back into the house so I can close thedoor.
“I only spoke to him an hour ago to confirm the booking,” she says. “He told me to have you ready byfive.”
I stand and stare at her. How is it she can talk to him but my calls go tovoicemail?
“Are you okay?” she asks, looking a littleconcerned.
“Yeah,” I say, but it doesn’t sound convincing. I open the door and gesture for her toenter.
“I’m Julia,” she says from behind me as I walk her though the house towards thebedroom.
“Are you okay here? I just need to make a phonecall.”
“Of course. Can I just see the dress? I want to make sure we do the right thing with yourhair.”
