Page 56 of Lilly
“But he justsaid.”
“I know what he said, Lucas. But he’s wrong. I can’t have kids,” I snap, getting angrier by the second. Why doesn’t anyone understand what I’m saying? I can’t have kids. Everything has been messed up down there for years, and then Jake happened and it all went totally down thepan.
If this is a joke, it’s not a very funnyone.
“Okay, the sonographer is waiting for you,” a nurse says when she appears around the curtain. She gives us directions and says I’m free to go, but that I must book a follow up appointment with my own GP and then amidwife.
I wanted to scream at her that I don’t need a flipping midwife, but I know getting angry is not going tohelp.
Lucas continues to look ill as we make our way to the scanning department. We get lost twice before we manage to find the damn place. Neither of us are paying much attention to oursurroundings.
I’m desperate to know what he’s thinking, why he’s freaking out so much about this. Doesn’t he believe meeither?
As soon as we walk into the reception area, we’re ushered into a room by a young guy. I’m taken aback a little—I just presumed it would be a woman. Lucas gets told to sit on the chair while I get myself up on the bed after taking my gown off. It’s only when the guy gives my outfit a funny look that I remember what I’mwearing.
It is the weirdest moment of my life. After being told I can’t have kids, I never expected to ever be in the situation, or doing the things I’m being told todo.
After stripping out of the dress, I lay down on the bed feeling a little awkward seeing as I’m wearing the sexy set of lingerie Lucas bought to go with my dress. It’s pretty clear the guy has no interest in me or any of the female population though; I think I’m more uncomfortable than he is. The sonographer covers my lower half with tissue, which I’m relieved about, and squirts gel on my belly. I expect it to be cold like it always is when you see it done on the TV, but it’s surprisinglywarm.
“Okay, let’s see what’s going on in here then, shallwe?”
“You won’t find anything. I can’t have kids.” He gives me a funny look, probably wondering why the hell I’ve been sent here if that’s the case, but he continuesnonetheless.
He pokes the wand thing into my belly a little too harshly, making mewince.
“I’m sorry, I’m just trying to get a goodangle.”
A couple of seconds later, a screen at the end of the bed flickers tolife.
“If you both just look at the screen.” I do as I’m told but what I see is not what I was expecting. There isn’t a blank black screen. Instead, there is a fuzzy black screen with two obvious white shapes in themiddle.
“Oh my God. Isthat?”
“Yes, twins.Congratulations.”
My entire body starts shaking and I try to bring my hand up to cover my gawping mouth but it doesn’t makeit.
I continue staring at the screen afraid that if I so much as blink then those two white blobs willdisappear.
“Are you okay? Would you like somewater?”
“No, I’m—” I stop when I look up at the guy, because he’s not looking at me. He’s looking past me to Lucas, who is sat with his head in his hands, slightly rocking back andforth.
“No, thank you,” he muttersquietly.
The guy turns back to me. “Would you like some print outs while I’mhere?”
I nod, unable make a sound as I continue to stare back at thescreen.
“Okay, I’ll try to get some good ones. I’d say you’re a little over twelve weeks so that makes your due date November5th.”
I nod along to show that I amlistening.
He finishes up, prints out the pictures and leaves me to get dressed again. We head to the little reception when we are done and get told to sit and wait for anurse.
It’s another hour before we get to leave the hospital. Neither of us have said anything. I think we’re both tooshocked.
Lucas rings for a taxi to go to my flat as it’s closer than his house, and seeing as it’s now almost 3am I don’t argue with him. I’m too busy hugging the maternity pack that includes the photos from the scan to my chest to care much about anythingelse.
