Page 77 of Lilly
“Sure.”
Presuming he doesn’t mean a soft one after the evening of this evening, I pull out a bottle of whiskey I bought for him before he disappeared. I pour him a generous amount before taking it through with a glass of water formyself.
“Thank you. I-” he begins to say something but I cut him off. It’s now ornever.
Lucas sits and listens as I pretty much relay the story I told to my mum a few weeks ago about Jake. Fair play to him because he sits and listens even as his angerincreases.
“Declan and Taylor didn’t do a very good job,” is all he says when I’ve finished, and I can’t help but agree with him. “He won’t bother youagain.”
“Lucas, I’m serious, do not put yourself in anydanger.”
“Don’t worry, Lilly. Everything will befine.”
“Okay,” I mutter, feeling like it will be anything but. “Your turn,” I say. He must know what I mean, because he necks his remaining whiskey before squaring his shoulders and looking straight ahead at the black TVscreen.
“My mother was a druggie. She wasn’t fussy—if she could get her hands on it, she would use it. I don’t know if she was always like that or if something started it when I was young. All I know is that she was like it from my earliest memory. She used to promise us she’d get clean and when I was young I believed her like the naïve kid I was. It was never going to happen though. She was just about as addicted as anyone couldget.
“Her priority was drugs. It wasn’t me or Marcus. It wasn’t putting food on the table or making sure we had clothes towear.
“She would go out on a bender and leave us alone in the shithole of a flat we lived in with no heating, no food and nothing to do. We had no TV, no radio, no toys.Nothing.
“She would bring random men back. We had no idea what they were doing; we were too young to understand in the beginning but as I got older it becameobvious.
“She would give us the odd bit of money to keep us going but nowhere near enough. She would always give us plenty though when we were sent to meet one of herfriendsto pick up supplies for her. I was always more than happy to go because more often than not there were a few pennies left over that I could save to put towards stuff Marcus and Ineeded.”
“Jesus, Lucas.” I don’t know what else to say. I had kind of presumed some of this, but not to that extent. I guess growing up with a loving family shields you from the reality of others’lives.
“This one guy that used to come around was horrible. He was huge with greasy long hair and practically black eyes. His hands were always disgusting. I remember the stains on them and the blackness under his nails. Unfortunately, the reason I know that is because they were often flying towards me.” I suck in a breath at his words. As if life wasn’t badenough.
“If he wasn’t wasted, he was going at either my mother or me. I managed to keep him off Marcus. He was only ten at the time. I used to lock Marcus in our bedroom when I knew it was coming. I could read his moodswell.
“Anyway, one day he really went to town. I don’t know what upset him that day or what my mother or I had done wrong but I swear he was going to kill me. He was getting on a bit and wasn’t exactly in good shape. I knew from past experiences he used to wear himself out pretty quickly, so I bided my time and eventually my chance came. He bent over at the waist and put his hands on his knees while he wheezed out some breaths. I broke my eye contact with him and grabbed the ashtray on the coffee table. I pulled my arm back and with as much force as my tiny thirteen-year-old body could muster, I hit him in the head. Then, Iran.
“I ran as fast and as long as I could. When I felt I was going to pass out from the exertion—bear in mind I probably hadn’t eaten in days—I turned into a building. I had no idea what it was; I just hoped I could hide until I got my breath back. What I didn’t expect was that I’d run straight into a man in asuit.”
“Christopher?” I guess, and it must be correct because Lucasnods.
“He took me to his office and attempted to clean me up. I must have looked a fucking mess. Then, he did the most amazing thing. He called the kitchen and ordered me a three-course meal. That was the best fucking food I’ve evertasted.
“A long story and a few foster homes later, and Christopher and Elaine finally got approved to adopt me. Elaine told me that she knew I’d run into their lives that day for a reason, and she wasn’t taking no for an answer. Fair play to them, because I’m not sure I would have wanted to adopt me. They must have known they were in for a world ofpain.”
“Why would you saythat?”
“No kid who has grown up in squalor like that suddenly accepts a nice life. It neverhappens.”
“Oh,” I say, because I’ve never really thought aboutit.
“Once I was looking and feeling better, they enrolled me into the local secondary school. I hated it. I was the outcast from the bad side of town. I isolated myself and eventually found myself befriending another outcast called Nathan. I’d see him trying to hide the same bruises I used to. We never talked about it, but I knew what he was goingthrough.
“We both already smoked but it wasn’t long before the standard cigarettes were accompanied by weed. I’d always told myself I would never touch the stuff as a kid, but being a teenager was different. By the time we were fifteen, we were looking for the next thing and cocaine somehow fell into our laps. By the time we’d finished school and failed everything, we were addicted. We’d talked for years about going to London once we were free and at the first opportunity we had, we went. My parents were horrified and tried to get me back. They even came and got me a few times, but it alwaysfailed.
“Nathan and I had fallen further and further into the pits of hell. He had already started shooting up heroin, and if I’m honest I was only days away from starting as well. We made money dealing, and we lived in squats, whether they were empty flats or abandonedwarehouses.
“I had no idea until it was too late that Nathan had been dealing for different people. A gang. A well known gang that was notorious for giving young lads a load of gear with promises of thousands of pounds, but the whole thing was always a set up. If I’d haveknown…”
I reach over and take Lucas’ hand in mine, though I’m pretty sure he’s so lost in his memories he doesn’t even feelit.
“He convinced me to go with him but it got ugly. Really ugly. One minute we were being jumped by a load of guys, and the next I was waking up in hospital with my parents looking down on me, griefstricken.
