Page 78 of Lilly
“Nathan was dead and I had been veryclose.”
I suck in another breath at his words, but remainsilent.
“They brought me home, helped me get clean, and my dad stupidly handed me the company to keep me busy. It was a huge fucking risk, but one that worked. I think he knew me better than I knew myself backthen.
“If Nathan hadn’t have died, I don’t think it would have worked. We would have ended up back there, but the next time something like that happened, we probably would have both ended updead.”
After his admission about his past, Lucas takes my hand and gently pulls me to my bedroom. He pulls the covers down and encourages me to get in. He strips down to his boxers and sits on theedge.
“Is that what the scars are from?” Iwhisper.
“Yes.”
“And the tattoo? A phoenix is a bird of freedom,right?”
“Yes. I got it after I got clean. It’s freedom from all the shit of my past. A reminder of why I can’t lose myself again. I have her addictive personality, Lilly. I have to fight not to drown and I know I’m going to be fighting until the day I die. When I found out you were pregnant, all I could see was her and the pain she caused me and Marcus. I’m so scared to becomethat.”
“You are not her, Luc,” I say as I curl into his side once he’s laying down. “You are so much more thanthat.”
“I pray you’re right, Lilly. I would never want you or our babies to experience what Idid.”
His disappearance makes even more sense to me. I’m still angry that he did it, that by trying to get himself together he hurt me anyway, but I don’t bring that up. I ask another question that’s been bothering me. “What happened toMarcus?”
“I don’t know. It haunts me every day that I left him in that shithole with them. I’ve been too ashamed to find him,” headmits.
“Would you like to? Find him, thatis.”
“Maybe oneday.”
That is the last either of us speak. We just lie there in each other’s arms until we drift off tosleep.
