Page 96 of Lilly
Chapter Twenty
Lilly
Aphone ringingwakes me up. I open my eyes but it’s pointless because the blackout curtains mean I can’t even see my hand in front of myface.
“Is that yours?” Lucas asks in a huskyvoice.
“Yeah it is. Please could you get it for me?” Usually I would go myself, but it will take me about a week and I have a dreadful feeling in the pit of my stomach that I know who it is and what it’s about. Usually I would ignore it—not that my phone ever rings in the middle of thenight.
It’s stopped ringing by the time Lucas hands it to me, but seeing as my suspicion is correct, I call straightback.
“She’s gone, Lilly,” Nic says in floods oftears.
“I’m so sorry, hun.” My heart breaks for her. I desperately want to be there with her right now. “She’s been getting worse and worse the last few weeks, not even opening her eyes. I could tell something wasn’t right yesterday so I sat up with her. She just stopped breathing. It was so peaceful, Lills. Exactly as she wanted—well, apart from the long wait to get here.Lilly?”
“Yeah?”
“Is it awful that I have this huge feeling ofrelief?”
“Of course not. Don’t you dare feel guilty about feeling like that. It’s only natural; this has gone on for so long. You putting your life on hold isn’t what she would have wanted. She’s probably feeling relieved foryou.”
“I hope you’reright.”
“No one can tell you what’s right or wrong right now, Nic. Only you know what you’ve been through. You’re allowed to feel anything. If people don’t understand how you’re feeling they clearly don’t understand what you’ve beenthrough.”
“Thank you,” shewhispers.
“I wish I could bethere.”
“Don’t be silly; you’re thirty-four weeks pregnant. You could pop at anytime.”
“When do you think the funeral willbe?”
“I hope it’s not a long wait. Now this has happened I want to get it all done and try to figure out what the hell I’m going to do with mylife.”
“Tell me as soon as you know. I want to bethere.”
“Lilly, don’t be stupid. Youcan’t.”
“Yes I can, and as long as I’m not in labour, I’ll be there.” I can feel Lucas’ stare burning into me as I say this, because I know he isn’t going toagree.
“We’ll worry about it closer to the time. It could happen any day,” she says, like I need thereminder.
“You are not going,” Lucas warns when I hang up thephone.
“She’s my best friend and she’s just lost her mum. If I can be there, I will be. You can come, or I’ll go on my own. There’s no discussion aboutit.”
I can see he’s desperate to argue but we both know we’re not backing down, so instead he pulls me back down to the bed and wraps his arm around me as much as he can with the size ofme.
* * *
“Ican’t believeI’m allowing this to happen,” Lucas says two weeks later as he watches Dec get behind the wheel of my wedding present, a white Audi Q7. It’s a ridiculous size and I look utterly stupid driving it, but Lucas is right, and it will fit everything in that we need for twobabies.
“It will be fine. We will only be gone two days. I don’t feel like anything’s going tohappen.”
“That doesn’t make me feel any better,” Lucas complains. Typically, the day of the funeral is also the day Lucas has interviews for management jobs at the hotel, so he can’t come. Thankfully, Dec agreed to be my chauffeur, much to hisdelight.
“It’ll be fine. Just make sure you keep your phone on loud, just in case,” I say but when I see the look on his face, I realise it was the wrong thing to say. “I love you, Lucas. Everything will befine.”
