Page 92 of Falling for Nicole
“Tell me where she is.”
“I don’t—”
“Bullshit. Tell. Me.”
“Dec, she made me promise not to tell you,” she sighs.
“I don’t care what she said.” I stare at her until I see her crack.
“Fine. She’s gone to see her mum.”
“Her mum?”
“Yeah. Don’t ask me where exactly, because I have no clue.”
It only takes a couple of seconds before the image of where Nicole said her mum wanted her ashes scattered enters my head. “Fucking hell.”
I pull up the postcode for the crematorium as I walk back towards my bike and put it in the SatNav the second it starts up. Five and a half hours. Is she having a fucking laugh?
The drive feels like it takes forever. My anxiety over what I’m going to find when I get there means each long road seems never ending. I have everything I want to say to her planned out in my head. I know I need to apologise for shouting and walking out the other night. I need to tell her that I understand how hard this is going to be for her, but no matter what, I want her by my side.
As I drive up to the crematorium, I find a gathering of people out the front, and I cringe as they all look my way as the bike rumbles past them.
Stretching my back out, I climb off the bike before shaking my legs to get my blood flowing. I should have stopped at the services but I was too desperate to get here. With my helmet under my arm, I head off in the direction I remember Nicole pointing towards the one and only time I was here before.
Thankfully, I left the grey sky and rain behind. The sun’s shining brightly up here, and it makes this place seem a little less depressing. As I walk past the small gravestones, there are a couple of people placing flowers down for loved ones, but it’s pretty quiet. It means that as I come over a small hill, she’s easy to spot. She’s sat with her back against a giant oak tree, her legs bent up as she focuses on something on her lap.
She’s totally oblivious that I’m approaching, and I don’t feel right interrupting whatever she’s doing, so when I get to the gate, I silently close it behind me before jumping up onto the fence. I keep my eyes on her, reminding myself why I’ve always been so infatuated with her. Her auburn hair shines in the sun and rests on her milky white shoulders, hiding her slim neck that I’m slightly obsessed with. She’s only wearing a vest, denim shorts and flip-flops, but to me, she’s never looked better. I wait and watch her for the longest time as she writes something into the book on her lap. It’s not until some movement next to her catches my eye that I realise Bailey is with her—of course he is! He wanders off, sniffing across the field, and she follows his movement. That’s when she sees me.
Even from across the field, I see her mouth drop open in surprise as she stares back at me. The moment our eyes connect, I’m reminded of all the reasons I’m here, of why I love her so fucking much. Fear and vulnerability are pouring from her. In my sheer panic, I forgot how this was all going to affect her. My selfishness made me forget she’s already experienced what Mum’s about to embark on, and she had the worst outcome. I’ve no idea how this is all going to turn out; Mum might be one of the lucky ones. I can only hope. But no matter what happens, I need Nicole to know that I’m going to be by her side, no matter what.
