Page 10 of Losing the Forbidden
Getting down on my haunches in front of her, I pull her hands away from her face and look at her. I’m reminded of the fact that no matter how much of a monster I knew my stepdad to be, he managed to control everyone else around him to the point that they’d never question him. It never worked on me. It’s one of the reasons we were never going to see eye to eye.
“I’m going to have a lie down,” Mum whispers, casting her eyes over my shoulder.
Helping her stand, she leans on me enough to show she’s not going to make it up the stairs alone. With my arm around her waist, I silently lead her towards the stairs and up to her room.
Her breath catches as we come to a stop beside the bed and her eyes land on two photographs. One of them I haven't seen for a very, very long time.
Sitting on her bedside table is not only a photograph from her and Nick’s wedding day, but also one from the day she married my dad.
Dropping down onto the edge of the mattress, she stares at both of them, tears silently dropping from her eyes.
“I don’t know what I did wrong. I lost the only three men I’ve ever loved.” It’s so quiet, I almost miss it, but knowing I’m one of those three is like a knife to the heart.
“You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m not going anywhere, okay?”
She nods, but I don’t think she believes a word of it. And why would she?
I leave the room with a heavy heart. She doesn’t deserve any of this. It was bad enough she lost her first husband, the love of her life; she shouldn’t have to lose another.
Closing the door quietly, I go to head back downstairs, but at the last minute, I continue forward towardsmy sideof the house, as it was always known, with two en suite bedrooms. Coming to a stop at my closed bedroom door, I wonder what the inside’s going to be like. Did they bin all my stuff? Did they throw me away like I never existed?
I’m just about to open the door to find out when a noise from behind stops me. The closer I get to her bedroom door, the louder the sobs become.
Running my hands over my now shaved hair, I fight with what I should do. Every inch of my body is screaming to go in and comfort her, but my head knows she won’t accept it.
I don’t deserve for her to accept it.
After a few seconds, I back away. If there’s ever going to be any kind of relationship between us again, I need to allow her to come to me. I’ve already caused enough pain to last her a lifetime.
Walking back up to my door, I push it open and step inside. What I find shocks the hell out of me.
I was expecting it to be empty or maybe turned into another bland guest bedroom. What I wasn’t expecting was to find it exactly the way I left it.
“Fucking hell,” I mutter, walking farther into the room and taking in everything I left behind.
It’s exactly as I remember. There are still piles of CDs next to the player, as if I’m about to return to play them. The TV remote is sitting on my bedside table where it always was, and my charger is next to it, waiting for my phone. There’s even one of my hoodies draped over the chair by the window.
Sitting down on the edge of the bed, I fight to drag in a couple of deep breaths. I expected Nick to have skipped all my stuff the first chance he got.
Seeing my room as it always was has the first tingles of hope trying to nudge their way in. It makes me start to believe that maybe not all that much has changed and that I can fit back into the life I should have here. The place I’ve always belonged could be my home once again.
Falling back onto my bed, I breathe in the familiar scent. Feelings I hardly remember wash through me. Contentment, safety, true happiness. That’s what this house used to be to me, and it can be again. With him gone and no longer controlling everyone’s lives, I can finally have what I’ve always wanted.
I make a plan and stay where I am, enjoying the feeling of my bed beneath me and being surrounded by all my childhood things. That is, until a shiver of awareness runs down my spine.
Propping myself up on my elbows, I look to the door. My heart drops when I don’t find who I was expecting—until I see movement of a shadow.
I don’t waste any time. Jumping from the bed, I rush to the doorway. I’m desperate for time alone with her.
When I pull the door wide, her eyes fly up to mine in shock. Her mouth drops open, but I beat her to it.
“Lauren,” I breathe. I love being able to say her name once again.
Her tired and bloodshot eyes hold mine. I can see fire burning behind them. She probably hopes her anger will scare me off.
Her face softens the longer we stare at each other, and to my surprise, when I reach for her hand and pull her closer, she follows my lead.
I gasp when her breasts gently press against my chest. My heart hammers as all the feelings that I’ve spent the last six years burying come rushing back.
