Page 14 of Losing the Forbidden
Looking up over the rim of the mug, I consider his question. I’ve no intention of going to celebrate that arsehole’s life, but it’s not about me.
“I think you should, Ben,” Chris says, interrupting my thoughts. “Your mum needs all the support she can get right now. God knows it’s the only reason I’m going.” Seeing the determination on his face warms my heart. I’ve always felt a little comfort in the fact that Mum had Chris here looking out for her; but seeing how important she is to him confirms that I was right in reaching out to him when I left. Chris was Dad’s old school friend, but he and Mum have always been quite close. When they both lost their other halves too early in their lives, it only cemented their friendship.
I stay with Chris until I know the office will be empty, then I head straight there. I’ve always felt close to Dad in the place he spent so much time, building the business, creating his empire, and I need that kind of comfort right now.
I upheaved my life six years ago. Totally started over. Do I want to do that again? The little voice in my head screams that I’m not starting over—I’m coming home. The hesitation I feel about the whole thing doesn't seem to agree with that though.
I spend hours on the phone to the IT support desk as I attempt to log onto the system and see what kind of state everything’s in. I have full confidence in the office staff—the ones I know, anyway. It’s the late boss who has me desperate to dig around in the background of the business.
I eventually manage to get access, and by the time I look up from emails, quotes, and invoices, it’s already dark out.
It’s well gone midnight when I pull up outside Mum’s house, so I’m not surprised to find it in darkness. It feels weird not driving my old BMW, but I’m guessing that’s long gone after my disappearance. It’s certainly not sitting here, waiting for my return.
Flashing from the living room catches my attention the second I open the front door. When I get to the doorway, I find the telly playing to itself and Lauren fast asleep on the sofa.
Switching it off, I crouch down in front of her. “Lauren, you need to go to bed,” I whisper.
Her eyelashes flicker, but she’s doesn’t show any other sign of waking. Reaching forward, I place my hand on her shoulder. She’s freezing.
Without thinking, I slide my arms under her body and pull her up against me. She immediately nuzzles into the warmth of my shoulder.
I don’t move for a few seconds as I allow myself to enjoy the moment. Dropping my nose to her hair, I breathe her in. My heart races at just being able to hold her again.
“Ben,” she whispers. My entire body aches with my need for her.
My arms start to burn by the time I get us up to her room. Kicking the door open, it immediately hits me that although my room was like a time warp when I walked in, hers is very different. Gone are all the girly things she used to try to make the place look like home when she first moved in, and in their place are generic ornaments and fake flowers. It almost looks like a guest bedroom, and it saddens me that part of our past has vanished.
Regretfully, I lower her to her bed. I’m desperate to crawl onto it with her, but I can’t imagine that would go down too well when she wakes.
I’m just standing up when her eyes flutter open. The pain she’s in makes the light-blue I’m used to so much darker.
“Ben?” My name is a whisper on her lips like she doesn’t believe I’m really here. Tingles shoot up my arm when her fingers brush against mine. “Please.”
Looking back at her open bedroom door, I hesitate. I want more than anything to crawl into bed with her, but I’m fairly positive that she’ll regret it.
“Lauren…I…”
“Just lie with me. I don’t want to be alone right now.” The hollowness of her voice has my body moving before I’ve even thought about it. Not that I would ever deny her what she needs.
Toeing my shoes off, I pull my hoodie over my head and drop it to her floor, waiting for her to change her mind. When she doesn’t say any more, I climb onto the bed and lie down beside her.
We’re not touching, but the heat from her body burns into mine. Fisting the sheet beneath me, I fight not to roll over, not to touch her.
Tension crackles between us. The only sound surrounding us is our heavy breathing. It’s the only clue I have that she’s as affected by our closeness as I am.
I suck in a sharp breath and my muscles tense when she moves, her arm sliding across my stomach and wrapping around my body. She presses herself against me and holds tight.
“Make it stop. Please, just make it all stop.”
“I’m so sorry, baby.” She stills the second the last word falls from my lips, and I worry she’s going to pull away. But after a moment or two, she relaxes again, and I wrap my arms around her. Silent sobs shake her body, her tears soaking my shirt.
I wish I could take it all away. I remember all too well the pain of losing my dad. Sadly, the only way I know how to make her forget is something she’ll probably regret in the morning.
I must eventually fall asleep, because when I pull my eyes open the next morning, I’m alone in Lauren’s room. Sitting up, I look around, hoping she’ll still be here. I almost smile when the handle of the door on her en suite moves—that is, until I get a look at her. She looks incredible wrapped in a fitted black dress, and her new womanly curves make my mouth water, but the moment I get to her eyes, all my thoughts are forgotten.
“Fuck, Lauren.” I rush to get off the bed and she bursts into tears.
“No,” she demands the second I’m in front of her. I’m desperate to comfort her, to give her anything to make her feel just that little bit better, but she wraps her arms around herself and turns her face away, cutting me off. “You need to leave. Last night was…”
