Page 15 of Losing the Forbidden
“Don’t do this,” I all but beg, reaching up to cup her cheek.
“No, Ben. It was a mistake. All of this is a mistake. You need to leave.” She doesn’t look at me as she pushes me towards her bedroom door. “Get out. Please, just get out.”
The second I step foot in the hallway, her bedroom door slams behind me.
Her cries sound out around me as she falls back against the door. It breaks my heart that she won’t allow me to support her through this, although I guess it’s no less than I deserve.
Falling down onto the edge of my bed, I try to decide what to do. I really have no desire to go and listen to what an incredible man my stepdad was. How he was a doting husband and father and all the other bullshit I’m sure people will spew. He was nothing but a controlling arsehole, but I guess that’s not really the kind of thing you can say at someone’s funeral.
I know Chris was probably right yesterday when he said we need to be there for Mum and Lauren, but I’m not really sure what good I’ll do.
In the end, it’s the thought of the two of them dealing with this alone that has me rummaging through the small bag I brought with me for something suitable to wear to this damn thing.
Chapter Seven
Everyone’s already in the crematorium when I arrive, so it’s easy to slip in at the back unnoticed. The room’s packed; I can’t help but wonder who everyone is. Other than immediate family, I never knew Nick had any real friends, and I can’t imagine any of the women he used to spend time with would show up.
I find Mum, Lauren, and Chris in the front row with a couple of others I recognise, and I spot Erica and some work colleagues a few rows back. Guilt hits me that I haven’t found time to see Erica since our first meeting the other day. Hopefully, once today is over, we’ll be able to catch up properly and she’ll be able to help me shed some light on what might or might not be going on with the business.
Hiding in the shadows, the music starts as a small commotion at the entrance causes people to look around. Moments later, a man walks in. Marching past the rows of seats, he makes a beeline for the front. Looking forward, my heart sinks when I find Lauren looking back at him as if she was waiting with a sad smile on her lips.
I can’t take my eyes away from them as he steps up to her, pulls her into his arms and kisses the top of her head. He whispers something to her before resting his lips against her head and comforting her.
Fuck.That should be me.
Rubbing my hands over my face, I try to keep my stomach from turning over at the thought of some other guy touching her.
When they eventually part, he pulls her into his side and they take their places in the front row.
I fight the urge to walk out. I didn’t want to be here in the first place, but now I’ve also got to watch as another man comforts the woman who should be mine.
They stay huddled together as he whispers in her ear. My fists clench as my imagination runs wild about what he could be saying.
Her demands that I leave her room this morning suddenly make more sense. I thought she just didn’t want me there, but in reality, she spent the night in a bed with a man who’s not her boyfriend.
My stomach clenches, and I suck in deep breaths to try to settle it. Thankfully, the vicar stands and starts the ceremony. It might be the last thing I want to listen to, but it’s a welcome distraction from the man currently holding Lauren in his arms. I knew coming here was a bad fucking idea.
Sensing that the service is about to come to an end, I slip out of the side door. There’s no way I’m giving that motherfucker any more of my time. It’s bad enough he got that much—although he’s probably up there laughing that I had to watch another man with Lauren the entire time. The image of him holding her while she cried is burned into my mind.
That should have been me.
I should be the one comforting and supporting her. Me. That motherfucker took that away from me the day he made me leave. He allowed an opening for another man to step in and sweep her off her feet.
But instead, I’m in my car, racing towards the one place I know I’ll get some solace. Although it’ll still be filled with memories of her. I can’t seem to go anywhere in this city without reminders of our short time together.
Pulling up into the deserted car park, I turn off the engine and rest my head back. I don’t shut my eyes for fear of seeing them again. Instead, I just stare up to the blue, cloudless sky above. It’s too good a day for that arsehole. It should be dark and miserable to match his heart.
Fire continues to burn through my veins, and the muscle in my neck pulses with my need to release some tension.
My phone vibrating in my pocket drags me from my depressing thoughts. I intend on ignoring it, but when I see Liv’s name looking back at me, I find myself swiping to answer.
“Hey.” My voice comes out sounding weak and pathetic even to my own ears.
“Well, that pretty much answers my question about how you’re doing.” Blowing out a breath, I try to come up with something to say. Thankfully, Liv fills the silence. “It was the funeral this morning, right? Did you go?”
“She’s got a boyfriend,” is the answer that falls from my lips.
“Oh.”
