Page 16 of Losing the Forbidden
“I should have expected it, but when I found out she was still living at home, I just assumed…”
“I’m so sorry, Ben.”
“I should just come back and get on with my life.”
“Is that what you really want?” My response is a sigh, but it’s all she needs to hear. “No, I didn’t think so. As much as I hate to say it, that’s your home, Ben. Your mum, the business…Lauren...”
“Lauren’s not mine anymore.”
“It doesn’t mean she won’t ever be. Not everything you want in life falls into your lap. Sometimes, you have to put a little work in. It’s time to fight for what you want. For what you deserve.”
Liv’s words stay with me long after she ends the call. I’m once again left wondering if this is where I’m meant to be.
I avoid the wake. I’ve no patience for shitty small talk about a man I hated. Instead, I stop at a shop, pick up some beer and spend what’s left of the day in the bastard’s home office, trying to dig my way through the backlog of emails sitting in his Inbox.
When the front door opens, it’s with Chris and Lauren attempting to carry my drunk mother into the house.
“She overdid it a little,” Chris says, not that her state really needs any explanation.
“I’ve got her.” Taking over from Lauren, I help Chris get her up to bed.
“She’s really not handling this well. I’m worried about her,” he says, turning to me once we’ve shut her bedroom door. “I’m so glad you’re here to keep an eye on her.”
“I’ll do whatever I can.” I immediately regret the thoughts I had earlier about heading back to Devon. How could I even consider it when Mum’s falling apart?
I say goodbye to Chris, agreeing that he’ll come back in a few days with paperwork and Nick’s will, so everything can be sorted. I bite my tongue to stop myself demanding he gets everything together faster so we can put that dickhead behind us for good.
A little of the fire from earlier flows through me when I find Lauren staring out the sliding doors at the garden. She’s still wearing the dress from the funeral and it hugs her curves and arse perfectly. My old desire burns through me, mixing with my anger and jealousy. It’s a dangerous combination.
“How are you doing?” I ask, although I immediately feel stupid for it when Lauren turns her dark eyes on me.
They’re cold. Her pain hits me. I’d give anything to take it away right now.
“Fucking peachy,” she snaps. I watch from the doorway as she wrenches the fridge door open with more strength than I gave her credit for and pulls out a bottle of wine. I flinch when she slams it down on the marble counter and sets about finding a glass. I almost stop her and tell her to sit down, but if she’s anything like me, then I know she needs the distraction of doing something right now.
I wait her out. She knows I’m watching her every move, because every few seconds her hard eyes flick over to me. After drinking half a glass, she turns her glare on me. “What?”
“I’m worried about you.”
“Well, isn’t that fucking good of you?”
“I…I never stopped caring about you.”
“I don’t care, Ben. All of…that…is in the past. You made your choice, and I was forced to deal with it.”
Seeing the pain that I caused her staring back at me is too much. “What else is there to drink?”
Not being able to deal with the images of our time together on repeat in my head, I find myself a bottle of Nick’s old vintage whiskey and pour myself a generous measure.
“To everything we lost.” If she thinks for one second I mean her father, then she’s very, very wrong. The only thing I lost in all of this is her.
She raises her glass and then places it to her lips. My own drink burns my throat, but it never distracts me from her. I take in every movement as she sips at the golden liquid and swallows, followed by her tongue sneaking out to lick her bottom lip.
Fire fills my veins and my cock swells. I need to stop the images in my head. Those from the past are mixing with the one from earlier with her in another man’s arms. There’s only one way I know for that to happen.
Her eyes darken further, but I fear it’s with different emotions to those I’m feeling.
“What are you doing?” she asks in panic when I take a step towards her. Her body visibly tenses, anger vibrating off her.
