Page 2 of Losing the Forbidden
I unscrew the top and launch it across the room. What I really want to do is get my hands on something breakable, like someone’s face, so the lid ricocheting off the wall and sideboard doesn’t really have the same result.
Falling down on to the sofa, I bring the bottle to my lips and swallow down a couple of shots. I hardly feel the burn. I’m too numb.
I didn’t have any expectations for what my life might be, but I’ve managed to create something close to a home here in this sleepy Devonshire town.
The train I got on that day took me to Exeter. I’d never been there before, but the idea of spending time by the sea held some kind of appeal to me.
I found a shitty bedsit and drowned myself in alcohol as I tried to figure out how I could have fucked everything up quite so royally.
All I did was fall in love.
The next thing I know, there’s crashing coming from the kitchen. Dragging my eyelids open, I wince as pain shoots through my head. I try to prop myself up on my elbow, but my head bangs and my stomach churns. Glancing down, I see the empty bottle of whiskey on the floor and groan.
“Morning, pisshead,” Liv sings, a little too loudly, and I wince. She marches into the room with a bright smile and two mugs in her hands. “Here. I made it extra strong.”
“Thank you,” I mutter, sitting up and taking the steaming mug from her.
Her eyes are full of sympathy. Everything I’ve been trying to bury hits me once again. My chest aches and I fight to keep my breathing steady.
I told her yesterday about the phone call. She’s the first person I’ve confided in about my previous life. In six years, I’ve managed to keep everything buried so deep that even my best friends have no idea. Both Dec and Liam have asked in their own ways about my past and my family, but I never once opened up. We’ve lived practically as brothers the past few years, and I know it’s hurt them that I’ve kept so much of myself private. I never intended not to talk about what happened, but every time I even think about saying her name, all those old feelings, the devastation I felt as I walked away, hit me like a fucking hammer and I force it all back inside the box I’ve shoved it in so that I can attempt to live my life.
“When’s the funeral?” Liv asks, dragging me from my living nightmare.
“Next week sometime. My uncle said he’d call back with more details once he has them.”
She nods at me, an empathetic expression on her face. “You’re going back before that though, right?”
Isn’t that the million-dollar question!
Uncle Chris is the only person from my past life I’ve spoken to since the day I left. He’s not really my uncle, just my dad’s best friend, but he’s treated me like a son from as early as I can remember.
When I left, I knew I needed some way of at least making sure both Mum and Lauren were safe. I needed to know that, with me gone, he’d keep his promise and they’d be able to live the lives they deserved, so I got in contact with him. Since Mum remarried, he’d kept his distance, but I knew they still spoke on occasion. He was the only one I trusted. We chatted quite often to begin with, but as time’s gone on, we’ve drifted apart more and more. The moment I saw his name come up on my phone yesterday, a ball of dread sat heavy in my stomach. I knew he wasn’t just ringing for a catch-up.
“Nick died last night.”Those words have been on repeat in my head since the moment they fell from his lips.
My first feeling was one of pure happiness. That motherfucker was no longer breathing the same air as me. The world would be a much better place without a manipulative control freak like him. For the first time in as long as I can remember, my shoulders lifted, and I felt a little lighter.
That was until my next thought hit me like a truck.
Mum and Lauren.
My stepdad did a much better job than I gave him credit for of hiding the man he really was, because all these years later, Mum’s still married to the wanker and Lauren continues to be in his life. If she had any suspicion that he had something to do with me leaving, I’ve no doubt she wouldn’t have stuck around either.
But they’re both still there, playing happy families.
I’m probably the only one who knows just how fucked up that reality is for all of them.
“BJ?”
“Shit, sorry. Uh…I’ve no idea if I’m going.”
I can see the questions that are right on the tip of Liv’s tongue, and I silently beg her not to ask them.
Up until earlier this year, my life in this seaside town consisted of my two best friends, one-night stands, and surfing. Then, Dec got himself whipped by his childhood enemy, quickly followed by Liam when he found the woman he’d always been searching for in the cute blonde staring at me with concern filling every one of her features. Of course, I was interested the first time we met her, but it soon became obvious that she only had eyes for one of us. She’s too good to be kicked to the curb the moment I’d finish with her, anyway. She deserves her forever with Liam. Since she moved in, we’ve become close; she can see something in me, I think, something that everyone else either misses, ignores, or isn’t brave enough to ask about. She’s slowly breaking down the walls I’ve built up, and I’m terrified of what she’s going to find if she manages to bring them all down.
Liv reminds me of the girl who captured my heart. They’ve got the same nature and a similar sharp wit. I’ve no doubt that they’d get on like a house on fire if they were to ever meet.
Sadness washes through me. Lauren would love it down here.
