Page 25 of Losing the Forbidden
When Lauren turns, it’s with tears filling her eyes. She keeps her head down as she walks my way, but at the very last minute, she looks up.
There are so many things I need to say to her, mostly apologies, but all the words stay on the end of my tongue as our eyes hold. She looks tired. Exhausted. I know it’s not all my fault, but I feel the weight of it pressing down on my chest nonetheless.
The atmosphere is heavy around us as we stare at each other. Reaching my hand forward, I brush my fingers against hers gently. Her eyelids flicker as our connection hits her, but she rights herself all too quickly and pulls her hand away.
Someone behind me clears their throat, and I’m reminded that they’re there.
“Shit. Mum, Lauren, these are my friends.” Turning, I introduce each of them. It’s not escaped me that I’m yet to fully explain to either Mum or Lauren where I’ve been and what I’ve been doing over the past few years.
“N-nice to meet you. I’m sorry, but I need to…” Lauren’s voice cracks and she all but runs towards the front door.
“Lauren…wait,” Liv calls, shocking the fuck out of me—and Lauren, too, if the look on her face when she turns is anything to go by.
Liv races over and leans in to have a private conversation with a woman she’s never met before as if they’re best friends.
Narrowing my eyes, I watch them for a few seconds before Mum welcomes everyone in and offers them drinks. Dec, Liam and Nicole just about manage to squeeze past me and into the room as I stand stock still, trying to figure out what Liv’s saying.
I’m still staring when she gives Lauren a quick hug and watches her leave the house. She then turns to me and smiles like she was expecting me to be watching, but comes walking over as if nothing weird just happened.
Reaching out, I grab her forearm as she tries to walk past me.
“What the hell was that?”
“It was nothing for you to worry about.” She gives me a wink before walking farther into the room and introducing herself to my mum.
I watch from the corner of the room as my friends and Mum sit around the table talking as if they’ve known each other for years.
I was a little worried what state we might find Mum in when we got here, but she looks good. Better than I’ve seen since I came home. She’s abandoned her glass of wine in favour of coffee with everyone else, and her smile is wide and genuine as she listens to Dec talk about Devon and what I’ve been doing.
“Yeah, he’s an incredible surfer.”
“Is that right, Ben?” Her question drags me from my own head, and I walk over and pull a chair out.
“I’m okay. Dec and Liam are way better than me. I’m not really built for a board.”
“Yeah, you have grown a little,” Mum says with a laugh. “He’s been back days and I know nothing. Tell me everything my baby’s been up to.”
“Everything?” Dec asks, looking over at me with an evil smile playing at his lips.
“No, she doesn’t need to know everything.”
I’ve no idea why I was so nervous about this. I might have thought I was putting on an act in Devon, but I think maybe my friends have always seen through it.
For the first time in a very, very long time, I actually enjoy spending a night in this house. It’s filled with warmth and laughter. It’s something I’m sure hasn’t really happened since my dad died, but suddenly it’s a home again. It’s just a shame one person is missing. The seat next to me at the table is empty, and so is a huge part of me, despite being surrounded by these incredible people.
“Have you already got accommodation sorted for the night?” Mum asks.
“No. It was all a little last minute. We—”
“Stay here,” Mum says quickly, cutting Liv off.
“Oh no. We don’t want to impose. We know you’ve got a lot going on right now.”
“Don’t be silly. I won’t take no for an answer. It’s been so wonderful having Ben’s friends here and hearing about my boy. I couldn’t possibly allow you to leave. Let me go and make sure the guest rooms are ready for visitors.” Mum gets up and quickly leaves the room. I can’t help but think her having people to look after is going to help pull her from the dark hole she was falling into.
“Your mum’s lovely, B…Ben.” Dec’s lips twist weirdly as he tries to wrap them around my real name. “BJ was never your nickname was it?”
“No. Until you, I was always Ben.”
