Page 9 of Losing the Forbidden
After getting myself a glass of water, I sit back down at the table and pull my phone from my pocket. I find a message from Liv and a smile twitches the corners of my lips.
Good luck. Call if you need anything x
I just start to type a reply when the slam of the front door echoes around the empty house.
A lump jumps into my throat and, as footsteps get closer, my stomach threatens to bring up the water I just drank.
Sucking in a breath, I wait for someone to walk around the corner and into the kitchen to find me.
“Oh my god!” Mum squeals, at first in fright, but the second she registers it’s me, her face softens and her knees buckle.
I’m out of my seat and about to reach for her when someone else steps into the room and beats me to it.
A pair of very cold and angry eyes find mine. My mouth goes dry.
Lauren supports Mum until she’s found her strength again. Rushing forward, her petite body slams into mine and she wraps her arms around my waist so tight it’s hard to breathe.
“Oh my god, my baby,” she sobs into my chest.
Tentatively, I lift my hands and rub them up and down her back as she cries. The whole time, my eyes hold Lauren’s. Everything I feared is looking back at me. She hates me. Any hope I might have had that she’d be glad to see me is gone. I’ve never seen her look so furious, and I’ve no doubt she’s not going to hold back once she gets the chance.
“Lauren,” I breathe, desperate to connect with her somehow.
Narrowing her eyes at me once more, she drops them to Mum, who’s still attached to me, and then turns and leaves.
The breath I didn’t realise I was holding comes rushing out of me. My eyes sting and I struggle to catch my breath again as regret, guilt, hope and love assault me all at once.
I’m frozen to the spot, staring at where she was. It’s only movement against my chest that drags me from my living nightmare.
Mum looks up at me through teary, devastated eyes, and a giant lump forms in my throat. Seeing the evidence of what my leaving did to her breaks my heart. I did what I did for them, but looking at her now, I fear I may have made the wrong decision.
Chapter Five
“I’m sorry about your t-shirt,” Mum says sadly when she pulls away from me and finds the fabric soaked through.
“It’s nothing,” I mumble, not really knowing what to say. It might have been obvious that she was happy to see me to begin with, but now I can’t read her.
Placing her palms on my rough cheeks, she stares deep into my eyes before focusing on every single one of my features.
“There were days I convinced myself that you must have been dead.” Hearing her admission makes my insides ache with regret. “I didn’t understand any other reason why you’d just disappear like that. This was your home, Ben. You had people who loved you under this roof and you just upped and left in the middle of the night.”
“It was complicated, Mum.” My voice is deep and rough as I try to contain the emotions running rampant around my body.
She stares at me for a few more minutes before schooling her features and stepping away.
“I don’t see how,” she snaps. Her eyes darken and suddenly I’m a six-year-old boy who’s been caught doing something he shouldn’t be. “That girl was head over heels for you, and you disregarded her like she was a piece of shit on your shoe.” Her anger seems to come from nowhere, the grieving widow from moments ago long gone.
“You think I did that by choice?” I bellow back. “You really believe this is all my fault? I’m your son. I thought you knew me better than that.”
Her face drops. I hate to cause her more pain, but the little faith that she has in me hurts more.
“Didhereally have you that convinced by his act that you truly think that of me?”
She sucks in a breath, tears filling her eyes. “Have some respect.”
“Respect?” I ask with a laugh. “He doesn’t deserve it. The man was a scumbag, Mum, and it’s about time you acknowledged the truth.”
The moment she slides down the wall she’s backed up against and breaks down in sobs, I know I’ve gone too far. She’s right. He’s just died; I need to be a little more sensitive for her sake. She’s already dealing with enough. I didn’t come here with the intention of making things harder.
