Page 36 of Fighting for the Forbidden
Chapter Ten
Lauren
It feelsgood to finally tell Ben how it really felt when he left instead of just shouting at him. Being able to see his reaction reminds me that I’m not alone in this. I’ve been carrying around this anger and bitterness for so long that it’s hard to accept that he’s always felt the same. I’d no idea that when I was trying to get someone to understand how I felt, that the one person I’d swore I never wanted to see again was the only one who would truly get it. The longer I talk, the more I realise that my anger’s been directed at the wrong person since finding out the truth. Yes, Ben was the one who walked out that night, but it wasn’t of his own doing. And while I may always wonder what might have happened if he’d stayed and fought for us, I do understand why he thought he was doing the best thing. It might have been a little naïve and misguided, but his young heart was in the right place.
As he thinks back to the day he walked back into the office, pain and regret fill his eyes. “I’d convinced myself over the years that you’d hate me. It was no less than I deserved. But I knew your dad wouldn’t have let me off lightly. I knew I was going to be the bad guy; he wasn’t likely to admit his part in it. I told myself that you’d have moved on, found someone else. That you’d be happy. Then you glanced up from your desk and you looked at me exactly how I remember, and I knew. Nothing had really changed. I knew you were still mine.”
I blow out a long breath as the realisation that he can read me so well after all this time settles within me. How is it possible that after six years, nothing can really change?
“Tell me about your life. What did you do when you left?”
“I got on the first train I found and ended up in Exeter. I was about as lost as you described earlier. I found a crappy bedsit and pretty much drank myself into oblivion for quite a long time.
“Then one day I saw an advert saying something about it not being too late to apply to university, and I thought why not. I had absolutely nothing else to fill my time with.”
“You got a degree?”
“Yeah, you don’t need to look so shocked. I’m actually kinda smart.”
“I know you are. I just never imagined you studying.”
“Me either,” he admits. “But I had no idea what to do. I’d just walked away from everything that was important to me. I signed up to a business course, I still had hope then that it might come in useful if I ever got the chance to take over Johnson & Son’s like I always planned to. I met Dec on the first day. We hit it off instantly and went out for drinks straight from our first lecture. He asked me about home and family, and I panicked. I put on this act from that very first day, and it became second nature.”
“An act?” My brows draw together.
“I didn’t want him or anyone digging into why I was there. I could barely think about it, let alone talk about you and the reason I had to leave, so I covered it up. I covered it by becoming the kind of guy I hoped the others would look up to. Who would appear so confident that they’d never need to ask about my past, because there’s no way I could have any secrets hidden in my closet.”
“I’m not sure I understand.”
He blows out a breath and casts his eyes away. “I played up to my new nickname with alcohol and…” His face twists as if it’s painful to admit.
“And?”
“Women.”
My stomach drops. I knew there was no way he hadn’t been with anyone else, but hearing him say it makes me feel a little sick.
The word seems to echo forever in the silent space around us. I want to ask more questions, find out more about what he did when we were apart, but my head’s full of unwanted images of him with faceless women, treating them the way he does me.
“I’m sorry,” I say in a rush and run to the bathroom, afraid I’m about to lose the contents of my stomach.
Slamming the door behind me, I come to a stop in front of the basin, rest my palms on the marble top and hang my head. I drag in a few deep breaths, hoping it’ll help settle my stomach. My eyes burn, but I refuse to cry. What he did was perfectly acceptable given the circumstances. Plenty of people said I should have been doing the same thing, but I could never switch him off enough to really go through with it.
I’m surprised when he doesn’t immediately chase me, but I’m grateful that he allows me a few seconds to process what he said and to attempt to deal with it in private. That said, it can’t be five minutes later when a knock sounds on the door.
“Lauren, are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. I’ll be out in a few seconds.” My voice sounds pathetic, making me wish I were stronger.
As I stare at my pale face in the mirror, the movement of the door handle catches my attention. In a second, it’s open and Ben’s in the doorway, staring at my reflection.
“None of them ever meant anything. None of them ever managed to make me forget you for even a second. It’s only ever been you, baby.”
The tears I was fighting so desperately hard to keep in drop onto my cheeks. The sincerity on his face doesn’t falter as he says the words, and I believe every single one of them.
Turning on my heels, I run at him.
“Fuck,” he grunts the second I collide with his body, and I immediately feel awful for not being more careful.
