Page 37 of Fighting for the Forbidden
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” I repeat, trying to pull away but he only holds onto me tighter. He must be in agony, but he doesn’t loosen his grip until I stop fighting.
Running his hand up my back, he slips it into my hair and gently pulls so I have no choice but to look up at him. “Only ever you,” he whispers before dropping his lips to mine for the sweetest kiss I think I’ve ever received. It’s like my whole body sighs as his lips brush over mine. It’s the first kiss we’ve shared since he’s been back that isn’t fuelled by anger and frustration. I wish it could go on forever. But as my body’s gearing up for more, he pulls back. My head knows it’s the right thing to do. The last thing I need is to fall back under his spell. His eyes are dark and full of emotion when he stares down at me. I can tell he wants to say more, but he’s holding himself back. It’s not the first time he’s tried to open up about how he feels about me since reappearing, but I think it’s the first time I’d be able to accept the words if he were to say them.
“Do you fancy getting out of this hotel room? I could really do with dinner.”
“That sounds perfect. Let me just freshen up a little, and I’ll help you get dressed.”
* * *
We walk outof the hotel room hand in hand, and it’s almost easy to believe that we’re just a normal couple enjoying a few days away from the pressures of everyday life. But one look to my left to see his cast and bruised face and I realise once again that we’re far from that.
We might have had a bit of a breakthrough in the last few hours, but we’ve still got a long way to go if we have any hope of a future, whether that’s together or just as…family. I screw my nose up at the thought. Are we still even really that now? Dad’s gone. Jenny will hopefully move on and find the happiness she deserves. Where does that leave us?
He must feel a change in me, because he looks over, his own eyes seeming brighter than they have in the last few days.
“You okay?”
“Yeah. I’m good, I think. How are you holding up?” He tried to put on a brave face as I helped him dress, but I could see the pain etched into his face every time he moved.
“I’ll survive.”
“Right, what do you fancy?” I ask when we step foot outside the hotel.
“You.”
“I meant for dinner. I was thinking Italian,” I say with a laugh. It feels so good not to be constantly arguing with him.
“Italian sounds perfect.”
We’ve barely started our main, and Ben’s already fighting back his exhaustion. It was easy to forget what he went through only days ago as we hashed out everything else, but he really needs to rest. I insisted on stopping at the first restaurant we found when it became obvious that navigating the cobblestones was causing him pain.
“Tell me about Devon,” I say, hoping to perk him up a little. “You mentioned that you lived by the sea.”
“Dec bought this old derelict house after we graduated. The place was a serious shithole, but he had a dream. He was originally going to tidy it up and pay to get it renovated as and when he could afford it. He was starting a new surfing business at the time, so money was tight. Then one night when I’d had a little too much to drink, I let slip that I knew my way around a building site and offered to help. I didn’t need a paying job, thanks to…” He trails off, but from the look on his face, he doesn’t need to say more. “With the help of a few local tradesmen, we did the entire place. It’s incredible. It looks right out onto the sea. You’d love it.”
“I’d love to go one day.”
He looks up with a forkful of pasta halfway to his mouth. “You really want to?”
“Of course. I want to see where you were living, what you were doing. I’d also like to meet your friends properly. Things were a little…stressed when they came to visit.”
He studies me for the longest time. “Wha—” He clears his throat, anxious about what he wants to say to me. “What are we doing here?”
Thoughts of the future and trusting him again have my heart rate increasing, but a future without him in it would be even more panic attack inducing.
“We’re just taking things one day at a time.” I don’t know how else to get across how I’m feeling. After all these years, he still means so much to me, but I’m terrified of being hurt again.
Nodding, he takes a sip of his water. “That sounds perfect.”
It’s nice to spend a few hours like a normal couple—not that we’re either normal or a couple. But memories from the last time we were in a restaurant together aren’t far from my mind. That night had promises of being incredible, but instead it was the beginning of the end.
“Stop thinking about it,” he warns.
“How’d you know?”
“I can read you like a book. Plus, I was thinking the same thing. It’s going to be different this time, baby. Just give us a chance.” Stretching his hand across the table, he tangles our fingers together, rubbing my palm with his thumb.
The lump in my throat grows too big to be able to talk.
