Page 44 of Fighting for the Forbidden
“Really? So what was it like?” Standing toe-to-toe with him, I wait. I wait for him to tell me that it’s all a sick joke. But instead, he swallows and looks away. My eyes burn as the realisation that my relationship with my best friend is based on a lie really hits me. “I can’t do this,” I whisper, walking from his room and collecting my suitcase.
“Lauren, please. Let me explain. It’s not as bad as it sounds,” he begs.
“So my dad didn’t pay you to be my friend?” I look back over my shoulder to find him in the doorway, guilt twisting his face. “Exactly.”
“Lauren, please don’t do this. I love you, please.” His pained voice hits my ears as I wrench the front door open, but it doesn’t stop me, and I storm through it. The lump in my throat is painful, and my eyes continue to burn, but I won’t cry. Not until I’m in the safety of my car at least.
I didn’t have a plan other than to get away, but when I find myself driving up the street where I know Ben is, I’m not surprised. The most sensible thing would be to go to Mum or Danni, but they’re not who I want right now.
Before I change my mind, I pull up to the gates and slowly drive through once they’re open. Looking up at the house and wiping the tears from my eyes, I realise I don’t hate it like I once did. I don’t really want to accept it, but since Dad passed, everything is just so…different. I’m not sure I can really explain it, but everyone is walking a little straighter, everyone’s eyes are a little brighter. It’s not that they’re glad he’s gone or anything…I don’t think. It’s more that the pressure he put on everyone has disappeared, and they’re all feeling lighter. I can already see the difference in Jenny; she’s becoming the woman I’m sure she always was; too busy hiding in Dad’s shadows.
Turning off the engine, I start to question myself. I don’t want to give him the wrong idea. He’s desperate for us to re-start where we left off six years ago, but I need to protect my heart. That doesn’t stop me needing his comfort after this latest revelation. The thought of having his strong arms wrapped around me right now is enough to have me pushing the car door open and heading towards the house.
Everything’s quiet as I make my way up the stairs, but it’s not an uncomfortable silence like I remember all too well.
Placing my hand on his door handle, I almost turn around and walk back out, but the image of Joe’s guilt-ridden face has me pushing down instead.
The only light in the room is a small lamp on his bedside table. It allows me to clearly see him sleeping. I spot a box of painkillers beneath the lamp, and I realise that I shouldn’t be here. Not just because I’m treading on dangerous ground with him, but also that he needs to sleep. He tried telling me that he slept fine in Rome, but I know he was lying. I heard him shuffling about and sucking in sharp, painful breaths as he tried to get comfortable. I need to walk out; but his peaceful, sleeping face has me lingering longer than I should. His bedroom is the same as I remember; the only difference is the man sleeping within it. I don’t just mean physically. He always seemed so confident as a kid, but as we grew closer, I saw that most of that was a cover. He was hiding from the pain of losing his dad and acting out to make it seem like he’d dealt with it. He was lost back then. He didn’t know his place in the world, and he just bumbled around, enjoying what he could. It’s why I wasn’t convinced that he really wanted me in the first place.
Ben the man seems much surer of himself. I know he’s still got plenty of issues to deal with, my dad being one of them it seems, but to me at least, he’s found where he needs to be. I know he’s having a hard time leaving the life he’s lived for the past six years and the friends he’s made, but he knows as well as I do that he belongs here.
Letting out a sigh, I turn to leave.
“Lauren?” His voice is rough and gravelly, and it makes me stop in my tracks. I look back over my shoulder, and he stares at me like I can’t possibly be standing here.
“I should go. This was a bad idea.”
“No, wait.” He gets up much more smoothly than I was expecting. The sight of the sheets slipping down his torso has me frozen in place. “Shit, what’s wrong?”
Before I know it, he’s in front of me, his thumbs wiping the tears from my cheeks.
“It’s…” The security of his warmth seeping into me along with his scent filling my nose is too much. I lose the fight with my emotions, and a sob rumbles up my throat. “It’s…”
I don’t get a chance to say any more before I’m pulled against his hard body and his arms wrap around me. Dragging in a few deep breaths, I try to calm myself down. I’m fed up of falling apart and being such a mess, but it’s just one thing after another right now. Every single thing is the result of one man’s actions, and I’m really starting to dislike him.
I’m seeing a side to my dad that I should have seen when he was alive.
Some of this might not have happened if I didn’t bury my head in the sand. I feel stupid and naïve for ever believing he was a man I could trust and who had my best interests at heart. All he wanted was to be in control. Another wave of tears hits, and Ben moves us over to his bed. His arms don’t once leave me and the amount of comfort I find in that scares me.
“It’s okay,” he whispers, his lips in my hair. “I’m here for whatever you need.”
“It’s…Joe,” I finally get out.
“What’s happened? Is he okay?”
“Oh, he’s fine. At the moment,” I say, thinking that might not be the case when Ben catches up with him after this. Broken arm or not, I already know he’s going to want to fight this battle for me.
Pulling his head back, he looks at me with his brows drawn. “What do you mean?”
“My dad paid Joe to be my friend. Everything between us has been based on a lie.” My lips tremble as I say the words aloud.
Ben tenses beside me. “Motherfucker.”
“I thought our relationship was just as important to him as it was me, but he was only there because he was getting paid for the privilege.”
Ben vibrates with anger. His eyes are dark, his lips pressed into a thin line and his jaw pops as he fights to stay here with me. “I’m gonna fucking kill him,” he growls. Lust shoots through me at the sound of his deep voice. I may still have a lot of reservations about re-starting a relationship with Ben, but one thing I do know for certain is that he will protect me, no matter what.
“No,” I sigh, placing my hands on his chest. “I don’t need you getting involved.”
