Page 95 of The Vengeance You Crave
I thought I missed Libby when she went her own way, choosing a life of addiction over her family.
I drop my head into my hands. I thought I was lonely when we left Rosewood. But I had no clue.
Standing in that hospital alone, with the two people I loved most in the world in critical condition and unable to find my sister, let alone get a hold of her to tell her what was happening.
That was sheer loneliness.
It was also the only time I very nearly called Luca. The one time I almost caved to my need for the boy from my past who always picked me up when I fell, who always held me when I was hurting.
I sat for hours with his name right there, the call button taunting me.
I had no idea if it was even his number anymore. For all I knew, if it connected it could have been to some random person on the other side of the country. But in those hours where I knew nothing but sheer fear and desperation. He was the only one I wanted.
As I sit here now, thankfully being able to leave that hospital weeks later with one of those people and our guardian angel that is Aunt Fee, I wonder just what would have happened that day if I'd have gone through with it and told him the situation I was in.
Would he have come to help, or would he have called me a liar and turned his back on me once more?
The possibility of it being the latter only adds to the agony and loss that I'm feeling right now.
"PeyPey?" a little voice calls up the stairs. "Are you coming?"
"Yeah, one minute."
Sucking in a deep breath, I stand in front of the mirror and pull Mom's necklace from my jewelry box. Libby and I bought it for her one year for her birthday and she never took it off.
It's the one thing I have now that helps me to feel closer to her.
I place the white gold heart locket against my chest and run my fingers through my hair.
Schooling my features, I head out of my room hoping that my brave face will at least be enough to convince Kayden that I'm okay, and that I'm enjoying the day he planned for me with Aunt Fee this week.
"You look pretty, PeyPey," he says when I emerge in the kitchen where he's helping himself to the plates of food Aunt Fee is in the process of taking outside.
I left the plans up to Kayden and he decided that I needed a picnic for my birthday this year.
It's January, but I guess we are in Florida so it’s not so bad. Although we could be in Alaska and I'd go with it if it meant seeing him smile.
"Kayden," Aunt Fee chastises when she comes back to find him with his cheeks puffed out with food like a hamster.
"Wot?" he asks around all the food.
Rolling her eyes at him in faux exasperation, she walks over. "Shall I help you out?"
I watch them both go, scooping up the final few plates to take out.
It's totally over the top for the four of us but I appreciate the gesture.
Aunt Fee tried to convince me to invite Ella and Letty, or anyone really, but I couldn't. They're already in deeper with this thing with Luca and me than I want them to be. Them discovering the truth before he does would not go down well.
I might have told Luca the truth five years ago, but that doesn't mean I haven’t kept something pretty fucking huge from him ever since. And I know that at some point I'm going to have to come clean and deal with the consequences. I just have to understand that it was about more than him or me. It's about that little boy out there. The one whose smile lights up every room he enters, and whose heart is pure gold despite the crap that's been thrown at him in his short few years.
"Oh wow, this looks amazing," I say, putting as much awe into my voice as possible when I see the banners and balloons that litter the backyard.
"Do you like it, PeyPey?" Kayden asks with hope shining bright in his eyes.
"I love it, lil' man. Thank you so much." I drop to my haunches and pull him in for a tight hug, hoping that by the time I pull away I'll have got control over the tears that are desperate to fall from my eyes.
"Right, who's hungry?" Aunt Fee asks as if she knew that I needed an out before I fell apart.
